Song of Myself
by lookinforsomeday
Summary: I thought I had gotten better. That life was finally mine to live, freely and happily. But the world doesn't quite work that way. There's never quite a happy ending for any of us, is there? At least, I thought not. Until I met the Golden Boy. The one who took away all the fears and pain. Maybe he would be my happy ending. If I could survive long enough, anyway.
1. Too Real to Shake

Chapter One:

 **Too Real to Shake**

* * *

 _The sound of the crowd was deafening, yet just as exhilarating._

 _The loud cheers and curses clashed in the air like thunder as the spectators shouted from their seats in the packed stadium, the energy electric._

 _It was anyone's victory tonight, the score tied neck and neck._

 _Not if I could help it._

 _"And it's Lakewood's ball now, forward player, number 17, taking the ball from Wakefield's, number 5. And she's headed down to the goal!"_

 _Quick feet._

 _I was quick on my feet, eyes narrowed in on the white net goal on the south end of the field._

 _Running, running, running._

 _The others were hot on my heels, closer and closer._

 _I dodged, weaved away, my focus never wavering._

 _It was only me, the ball, and that net._

 _"Oh, I think she's done it now folks! Dodging past Wakefield's defense she's halfway! I can't believe it! I think it just might be another victorious night for the Falcons!"_

 _Cheers were louder now, the distant rhythm of the band's_ _drumline in tune with the beat of my heart. Pounding heavy in my chest._

 _So close now- the goal only yards ahead._

 _Suddenly- in a blur- I faulted, my legs giving out under me._

 _Falling to the ground in a limp pile of limbs, my weight crashing under me._

 _Pools of blood surrounded my falling form, yet no one seemed to notice. I was invisible._

 _I screamed for help, no matter how loud my sobs were, none came to my aid._

 _The cheers of the opposing team louder now as they stole back the ball, not a single one batting an eye at my fallen state._

 _Help!_

 _No one came._

 _A buzzer sounded, the clock striking zero, ominous and loud. It rang in my ears, like it was screaming my name._

 _Your time is up, it seemed to taunt me._

 _Your time is up..._

I sat up, bolt right in my bed. Blinking hard, and blinking again to free my eyes from the horrendous scene burned into my mind.

Heavy sweat beaded at my brow as I threw back the heavy comforter of my bed hurriedly.

I doubled over, forcing deep and steady breaths out of my lungs. Trying to calm my racing heart.

 _It was just a dream._

"Just a dream..." I mumbled to myself, repeating the words like a mantra over and over again until I could think clearly. Trying to breathe smoothly without a sob racking through my chest.

I sat there for a moment, curled into myself, my nose pressed into the soft silk of the bedsheets.

I opened one eye slightly, peaking over at the alarm clock.

3 a.m.

There was no way I was going back to bed again, sleep wouldn't find me, not with the nightmare so fresh on my mind.

I hauled myself out of bed, softly padding over to the adjoining bathroom.

Running a bath of steaming hot water, pouring in a generous amount of lavender bath salts and milk powder.

I needed all the calming aromas and feelings I could get.

I sat on the covered toilet ungracefully, legs tucked under as I waited for the tub to fill to my liking.

I all but jumped into the waiting water when it did, quickly finding peace in the velvety, milky water. I didn't pay any mind to the burn of the too hot water.

The image of my body, mangled in a pool of my own blood in the middle of the field, burned in my mind. I couldn't shake it, no matter how much I tried to distract myself.

 _It was just a dream._

But it had felt _so_ real. Too real.

I quickly went about trying to busy my mind with other things, taking my time shaving every angle and inch of my legs, washing with soap and a body scrub, taking the time to deep condition my hair.

After sitting in the water, even after it had long gone cold, my fingers and toes turning to prunes, I finally talked myself into getting out.

Ready to face the world and day ahead of me.

Throwing on a long housecoat and glasses I continued my busy storm through the house, finding minuscule tasks to distract me. An hour later I finally sat down at my desk, a mug of hot tea and a biscuit nicked from the pantry in hand.

Trying to distract myself with any calming agent I could find.

Excessive amounts of sugar usually helped.

I let my hair air dry, the nearly dried waves tucked behind my ears as I mulled over my planner. I pulled out the accompanying papers that went with my schedule for that day. I was a meticulous planner, every exam and note from school catalogued.

A big red star marked the date on the calendar, signaling I had a job for student council that day.

Another group tour of the school.

I took my time going through the new students names, noting the classes I did or didn't have in common with them. Finally, I was able to distract my worried mind with something much more fascinating.

It would be the largest group of kids I had ever been assigned, and I was excited to meet my new peers. I repeated their names in my mind over and over, trying to commit them and their schedules to memory.

The Cullens.

I only hoped they would like it here in Lakewood.

And that maybe, I'd find a close friendship in one of them.


	2. The Midnight Club

**A/N:** I probably should have disclosed this earlier, but this story does not take place in the present day. I started writing this back when I myself was in high school, finally finding the nerves to first publish it when I got to college in 2015. But know that this takes place in the year 2012, as Renesmee is six years old.

Chapter Two: 

**The Midnight Club**

* * *

 **Third Person POV**

The number of times the young half breed had felt anything akin to panic were few and far between, her short life being one filled with every possible want or need being met before she even knew she had them. She never had to worry for her safety, or about making a big and life changing decision on her own.

But as of today, the security her innocence and childhood had brought her would be no more. It wouldn't protect her from the trials of the real world. In the world that lay beyond the stretch of the family estate she had so long been bound to.

High School.

Today was her first day of high school.

And she couldn't find that _freakin'_ cardigan to save her life.

 _Whack._

All listening ears tuned in at the sudden sound, the crash of something heavy in the girl's bedroom upstairs echoing loudly throughout the large house. Her parents shared a worried glance, before finally one of them went up to check.

They opened her door softly, daring to peek in to see what was happening.

The auburn-haired girl fluttered about the large bedroom hastily, her inhuman speed making her look as though she were a hummingbird, frantic to find a flower to land on.

Only she couldn't find the flower she searched for, her heart rate high as she began to stress more and more with each moment that passed. And still no cardigan in sight.

Her mother cleared her throat, though unneeded to announce her presence, it was a polite habit they developed.

The panicked girl stopped suddenly, long curly hair fanning behind her as she turned quickly to see who was at her door. Her wide, brown eyes bore into her mother's golden ones, a silent plea.

"What on earth is going on?" her mother asked, taking in the room's destroyed state. Clothes strewn across every surface save for the actual closet, her bed covered in a mountain of discarded sweaters and tops. She couldn't hide the humored grin that snuck onto her lips at the sight, finding the girl's flustered state over her first day of school to be quite amusing.

She had been waiting for this day ever since she had learned what school even was.

And why she had never been able to go.

Until now.

The girl sighed, throwing up her arms in mock surrender before falling back onto her bed in defeat, the mountain of clothes enveloping her in their embrace. She slowly sat up a moment later, shoulders slumped as she looked to her mom.

They looked like sisters, their physical appearances showing not the slightest difference in age. Looking to be in their late teens.

Outsiders were none the wiser.

"I can't find my top! The one that- the one that Alice helped me pick out!" she started, a slight pouty-whine to her voice, "It was all laid out, now when I finally need it- it's up and vanished! Grown a pair of legs!"

Her mother laughed then, not begin able to hide her amusement any longer. She moved to sit next to her on the bed, deciding to step in and bring the misery to an end.

She placed a gentle hand atop her daughters, her daughter's hand a fiery furnace in comparison to her own icy one. Even after those few short years she had yet to get used to the difference. She gave the hand a slight squeeze.

"Now remember, what was it that Esme taught you?" she inquired, raising a perfectly arched brow. Her daughter smiled slightly, thinking back to the conversation she had with her grandmother. She had only just turned three, though her body and mind showed otherwise, she was like a middle schooler in every other way at the time.

"Every fabric has its own scent," she recalled, remembering how her Nana had shown her different types of garments, helping her memorize the smells. Her mother smiled, nodding that she was correct.

"Try to find it, it can't be far. It's made of cotton, no?" she asked, to which her daughter enthusiastically agreed. She stood from the bed, taking a good look around the room before closing her eyes to concentrate.

Her senses were heightened, just as the others in her family, only not nearly as powerful. It took concentration and focus, but after a moment of carefully moving through the room she stopped. A giddy laugh escaping her lips.

She leaned over the carved, wooden chest by the window. From behind it, she pulled out the clothing in question, a forest green cardigan. Her mother only laughed. She smiled sheepishly as she put it on over her white blouse, smoothing out the sleeves.

"I guess I flung it back there when I was rummaging through the dresser," she said, a light blush gracing her cheeks. She stood before the full length mirror, taking in her outfit.

She had started getting ready at the crack of dawn- not even bothering to sleep, she said she was too excited- taking every possible spare moment to get ready for the day. She wanted to look perfect. Her aunt, Alice, had pestered her over letting her pick the perfect outfit for her, but she refused. She wanted to decide on her own, even though she knew Allie had already seen it.

The deep green of the cardigan brought out the intensity of her fiery hair, her dark-washed denim jeans accentuating the long length of her legs. She looked every bit the part of a normal high schooler. Her mother came to stand behind her, admiring how she had grown. Wondering where that short time went.

She was shorter than her daughter by several inches, the comparison quite humorous when they remembered that she was, in reality, a six-year-old.

Their normal wasn't exactly, well, normal.

But they wouldn't change it for the world.

She rested her hand on the auburn girl's arm, squeezing it gently as she met her eye in the mirror. She could hardly hold in her excitement.

"You'll do great, Ness. I have no doubt," she said warmly, to which her daughter smiled, turning to give her a hug.

They stood there for a moment, before Renesmee broke apart first, holding her mother at arm's length. A mischievous glint in her eye.

"I know I will, _Bella,"_ she said, mockingly. It earned a faux look of warning from her mother.

She delighted in the fact she would get to take part in the sibling charade for the first time, it tickling her to no end that she would call her parents by their real names. _Edward_ and _Bella._ Her "adopted siblings."

They were all amused by how it excited her.

Nothing could dampen her mood on such an exciting day.

The same could not, however, be said for another member of their large family.

It was going to be a very long day for him.

* * *

 **Jasper POV**

I had never, not in the nearly six decades I had known Alice, doubted my sister's words.

Her visions of the future.

If she said it would be so, it always would come to pass without fail. I had no reason to doubt her.

But as I stood there that morning, buttoning the shirt she had laid out for me to wear for that day, I couldn't keep the thoughts of doubt from flooding my mind.

There was no way that today would be the day.

The day I met _her._

It just seemed too out of reach, it always had.

I had never given much thought to the possibility that someone like her would exist for me- another half, cut the same. Not after the life I had lived, the things I had done.

I stood there in front of the mirror, eyes never leaving the mangled scars that scattered the exposed flesh at my neck.

The terrible things I had done would always be a part of me, a burden I carried.

Why would I wish that burden upon another?

 _It was just a normal night at our residence in Alaska, nearly six months ago. Everyone was doing their usual thing, most of us sitting in content silence._

 _"Oh, Jazz, I can see it now!" Alice gushed, the quietness that had just moments before enveloped the living room was ruined by her shrilled voice. Her eyes clearing as she reemerged from her dreamlike state- she had a vision. Her words had startled everyone, confusing more so than anything. I had frozen completely, alarm and worry the first to come to mind at her calling my name._

 _Edward had been the only one to catch on immediately, a scowl firmly settling onto his face as he interpreted the vision. I noted the unease that came off him in waves._

 _Yet Alice never faltered in her excitement, rising from her seat beside her mate to float over to the armchair where I had sat. She had rested her petite hands on my arm, squeezing it gently. Her excitement was so powerful I'd never forget it, the energy almost intoxicating._

 _She had smiled widely, her tiny face barely able to hold it. I could only raise a brow in question._

 _"Do you remember- remember when we first arrived at the Cullen's?" she began, questioning. Her voice a soft whisper as she continued, "I had a vision, one I had seen a future... one with you and another vampire?"_

 _Oh. I barely managed a nod as the memory resurfaced._

 _The vision. The one where she saw-_

 _"Your mate?" Edward finished for her, his tone biting. Though feeling his emotions, I knew it didn't carry. He was still wary, but not as angered as his tone led one to believe._

 _I didn't dare move. I sat there, waiting for Alice to confirm such a thing._

 _She nodded eagerly, and I bristled._

 _"Jazz... I saw it! Again, I saw the very same vision. Only this time- oh, this time!" she said giggling, her excitement was so strong she could hardly finish, interrupting herself._

" _She's so close, Jazz! I can see it so clearly now, we must go to her!" she exclaimed happily, shaking my arm in her hold. I felt numb and alight with fire at the same time._

 _For a vampire, my thought processing was pretty shit at that moment. I struggled to put two and two together._

 _A wince from Edward then at her words, and I couldn't let it go. I looked at him, quizzically, for an elaboration._

 _He looked apologetic as if he had kicked a puppy._

 _I'd rather he had done that than what came out of his mouth then._

 _"She's alive-" he said, a heavy emphasis on the word_ alive.

 _"She's still human."_

 _A gasp was all that could be heard then._

 _An angered growl echoed off the walls._

 _I couldn't process a bit of it, the emotions of those around me so powerful I couldn't even think on my own. How did I even feel about that?_

 _A smashing vase was heard in the distance, the room breaking out into literal chaos around me over the news. Over the news of my mate._

 _And yet I couldn't even argue with myself over it._

 _The only thing coming to my mind was a burning question, one I still couldn't shake._

 _Would she reject me? When she discovered what I was?_

I was all but dragged out of my thoughts by the knock at my bedroom door.

A second later the pixie in question came peeking in, her spiky hair dotting her head like a crown of wild thorns.

She gave a small, warm smile before entering the room completely, striding over to where I stood.

She raised a brow quizzically, though she no doubt needed no explanation for my slowness at getting dressed. I had been getting dressed for the last hour, ten times the amount of time it normally took me to get ready.

She had no doubt seen it, my hesitance, hence why she had stepped in to get the job done herself.

A slight tug on my sleeve, she began meticulously rolling them up before speaking.

"Don't be nervous, Jazz," she said softly, peering up at me as she moved on to the next sleeve. I let her work, silent. I met her eye, noting the mischief lingering there amongst the swirls of gold.

"Me? Nervous?" I scoffed lowly, half-heartedly. "Never."

She smiled, happy that I was at least talking. Even I was glad I could manage that. She finished the sleeve, patting my shoulder lightly once when she was done.

"You know, we've gone over this a thousand times," she said, walking over to the small dresser in the far corner, bringing over the watch she and Michael had given me last Christmas. She handed it to me. "You're going to be fine. _She's_ going to be fine."

Fine, as in I won't kill her on the spot.

As if my life hadn't been complicated enough.

How suiting it was that I would be given a mate- a fragile and _very_ human- mate.

I sighed, taking the watch with a nod of thanks before putting it on. I looked at the delicate hands ticking away at the seconds that passed.

45 minutes until I met her.

Alice had seen the exact moment- the moment we'd walk through the doors, the moment I'd meet her eye.

She had counted it, laid it all out like a game plan, how it was going to go down.

It was the reason we had moved to this place.

A random town in the middle of nowhere.

Lakewood, Alabama.

It had its charms, the town had its own movie theater and mall.

Two things that Forks had lacked.

Yet out of all the places I would meet her, it would be at the school.

The blasted high school.

I was starting to think the Cullens were cursed.

Alice had to all but pull me with her down the stairs to get me to leave my spot before the mirror, to get me out of the safe confines of my room. To face the day.

Everyone had gathered in the living room, the couples scattered around, sitting in different sofas and love seats. Each ready for their first day. Wedding bands and any physical indicators that showed their age were put away and out of sight, everything down to their toes were reflective of the young adult fashion of the season.

Renesmee was all but bouncing with her joy and excitement at the adventure that lay ahead of her, her energy like a bolt of lightning. We had all heard her fluttering through her room all night and morning, her excitement too much for her to sleep. Not that she needed it much, anyway.

Some were weary, Rosalie simmering in her unease and disdain.

What was new.

We were ready to go; the drive ahead would have us arriving exactly on time. We piled into our respective vehicles; Alice, Michael, Emmett, and Rosalie rode in the latter's Mercedes-Benz. I rode with the small family of three in Edward's Volvo.

I found Renesmee's excitement to be more bearable than Alice and Rosalie's conflicting emotions, the small red car was like a ticking time bomb with the two of them in one place together. I was thankful for Bella's mild emotional output.

But the ride was still painful, as I battled with my own emotions.

I always struggled with my thirst, and I doubt she would be an exception.

 _What if she rejected me?_

The thousands of thoughts that plagued me had finally gotten to Edward it seemed before he finally sent a death glare to me through the rearview mirror. I had been, by extension of his gifts, torturing him as well with my plagued thoughts over the last few months.

I sent apologetic feelings his way.

Instead, I did my best to focus on what the hybrid next to me was feeling, her emotions strong enough to distract me, at least a little bit.

She had been beyond excited to finally join the rest of us in our show of being high schoolers.

Her rapid growth had always prevented her before, as it was much too obvious if she had been in public.

She loved people, even from the earliest age. She was compassionate, wanting to volunteer and take whatever trips her parents would allow to help others.

They didn't approve community service with close contact with humans, so rather they had let her spend her time helping out at the local animal shelters in the last place we had resided in.

Alaska.

She had hated the solitude and cold weather that came with living there. But the only place she had to compare it to was Forks, where she was born. Even then her social interactions were limited to her grandfather and friends in La Push.

Now, she was going to be able to interact with the humans she had been kept away from. And enjoy the warmth of a much different climate than those she was used to.

I was happy for her to finally experience those things.

We all were.

I only hoped I didn't ruin it for her.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as we pulled in to the parking lot of the school. Nessie all but leaned her head out the window to get a better look at the place, her face smashed against the glass.

It was the only school on this side of the county, making it much larger than the past few we had attended.

4,000 students went to school here.

I wondered how I was supposed to find her in such a large student body.

But Alice had sworn, it wouldn't be hard.

We parked at the back of the lot, the giant expanse of parking spaces full of cars for the large student body. Not that we minded, we usually liked the distance from humans. The more the better for blending in.

Everyone huddled between the cars for a moment, silently preparing ourselves for the day at hand.

Another school, just like the dozens we had attended before.

Nothing different.

Renesmee was actually now dancing in her place, hair bouncing with her excited movements next to me. Like a toddler that had snuck a bag of candy and eaten it in one go.

We all laughed at her antics, the moment a welcomed distraction.

10 minutes.

Renesmee led the way to the main building, barely able to keep herself from running top speed to the door.

I hung back at the far back of the group.

The front foyer was large and grand, surprising for a school, obviously one that received a lot of support from the district and local community. Floor to ceiling cases lined the walls to our left and right, filled to the brim with award plaques and trophies.

There was a giant mosaic of the school mascot on the tile floor below- a black and crimson logo reading below it in bold script.

The Lakewood Falcons.

A gaudy show of school spirit and pride in their accomplishments. I had an inkling that they took their sports a bit too seriously.

Ahead was the main office, two hallways on either side that led to the rest of the school, and we filed in one by one into the small room. Renesmee all but jumped on the counter, fingers splayed out on the marble countertop as she got the attention of the secretary sitting there.

The middle-aged woman startled, her red glasses falling down her nose a bit as she jumped. Upon readjusting herself she couldn't help but stare, as was expected, at our looks.

She stammered for words. I gave her a heavy dose of confidence and calm to ease her.

"Oh, hello! May I help you, dears?"

Renesmee smiled widely at the woman, "Yes, we're here for our school tour and orientation."

The lady blinked hard in her daze, dazzled by the eight creatures before her. It took her a moment for the information to click. She scrambled to find something in her desk, fumbling through folders.

"Oh heavens, yes, of course, you must be the Cullens!" she exclaimed happily, the twang of her accent tickling my ears, as she found the file she was looking for, bringing it to the counter. She pulled out eight sets of stapled papers, handing them to Renesmee.

"Of course, we've been expecting you! Please, do wait in the main lobby for just a minute. Our student guide will be out shortly to give you all the tour. These papers tell you all you need to know about your semester schedules and a detailed campus map," she said, flustered. "If you have any problems, just let me know! I'm Ms. Hawthorne if you ever need anything."

With a wide smile and words of thanks from Renesmee, we all filed back out and into the large, open lobby. Nessie handed each of us our papers, eagerly flipping through her schedule. Of course, she already knew them thanks to Alice. But she looked like she had been given the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

We stood there in a half circle for a few moments more, committing the map and schedules to memory, some looking at the various trophies to waste the time.

The silence was broken by the echoing of footsteps, coming from the hallway to the right of the office.

I involuntarily stiffened. Bracing myself for whatever was about to happen.

The others did the same, moving to stand in a more uniform line instinctually.

Alice was bouncing on her toes again. It was time.

I wondered briefly if I would see her on the tour, maybe she was in one of the classrooms we would pass.

The footsteps got louder and louder until, finally, the person emerged from around the corner. Bringing my silent musing to a sudden halt.

I didn't dare breathe or blink for that matter. Committing the sight to memory.

It was true that each person was unique, that no person was the same. We all varied in some way. But in her case, it was most certainly true.

There was no one like her. Nothing came close.

She was taller than Bella, yet somewhere between her height and Nessie's. Athletic in build, softly defined muscles flexing with her movements as she approached.

Her caramel hair falling down to her middle back in light waves, flashes of blonde hidden amongst the light brown depending on the angle of light.

She wore a quarter-length button up top made of soft, flowy fabric, dusty rose in color. Dark denim skinny jeans with camel booties. A dainty gold necklace and small gold studs were the only jewelry she wore.

I hated that I knew so much about the fashion she wore, no thanks to Alice and Rosalie.

Her skin was tanned, evidence of long periods of time in the sun. The healthy glow a stark contrast to the almost sickly pale of my siblings and me.

Her features were delicate, a heart-shaped face. Deep-set eyes shown brightly against her tanned skin, a deep green like the forests of Olympia. She wore little makeup, a slight tint of blush and mascara the only noticeable cover.

I was never more grateful that I hadn't breathed in.

It was _her._

I couldn't look away.

Not that I ever planned to.

She smiled warmly, taking in the large group of our family, eyes slightly wide in her shock at our looks, though she did well in hiding it after the initial take.

She was relaxed and comfortable, an interesting emotional combo in the presence of my family, normally people would be frightened for dazzled. But not her, she was calm.

A trait I had sometimes found in kind people, they never judged, not even when their instincts told them otherwise.

Her demeanor confirmed that, her eyes kind and gentle. Posture open and relaxed.

"Hi, everyone. Welcome to Lakewood," she said, her voice soft and inviting. She had a compelling tone to her, a charismatic person indeed.

Renesmee, who stood to my left, was practically vibrating in her concealed excitement, trying so hard to put on a show that she was a cool and collected teenager. Even Alice was doing a better job at containing her excitement, though her inner emotions were practically screaming at me.

It was a lot to take in.

She noted the papers we each held in our hands, smiling a bit wider now as she grew more comfortable. "I see Ms. Hawthorne has already given you your schedules. Before we get started does anyone have an issue with them so we can get that sorted out before we begin?" She asked, and at the shake of our heads, she continued.

"Great! Well, I guess I owe you all an introduction," she said, and I couldn't help the anticipation that welled up in my chest. Yes, indeed she did. I needed to know her name. She gestured to herself, lightly placing her hand over her heart.

"My name is Catherine Anderson, although most call me Cat or Cate, depending on who you ask," she said happily, her tone joking at the last bit as she smiled. It was intoxicating almost, something I had never felt before. It made me want to join in with her.

The pull had been described by my siblings so many times, and even the emotions I could feel secondhand on occasion. But nothing compared to feeling it myself, truly, for the first time.

Catherine.

I replayed the name in my head a million times over by the time she next spoke.

"I'm the student body president, and am a senior this year, as I understand four of you also are," she said, her tone questioning as she looked between us all. Trying to guess who was who. Her eyes landed on the most obvious senior, Renesmee, the emotions that rolled off her apparent to even the human in the room, and her age was telling.

She had stopped aging finally just a few months ago, her appearance allowing her to barely pass as a high schooler, though it would be more fitting that she be a college student. She wouldn't keep up the facade of a teenager for long at all.

Catherine gave her a small grin, delicately arched brow raised as she guessed, "I'm going to take a guess and say you must be Renesmee? Or maybe Rosalie?" she asked, her words slowing as she tried to pronounce her name. We all stifled a laugh, the odd name was probably a confusing one to translate from paper into spoken words.

Renesmee blushed, nodding happily. She corrected her, introducing herself. Catherine blushed too, a small apology and laugh escaping her pink lips.

The sound of her laugh was like music to my ears. And I would do whatever it took to have her laugh forever.

She turned to my other sibling, the gorgeous and sulking blonde to my right. "And you must be Rosalie!" she said happily, paying no mind to the blonde's dismissal of looking away at the attention. If it bothered her, she showed no sign of it emotionally or physically, letting the insulting behavior roll off her back like rain on an umbrella.

She could hold her own, I mused. Her strong will was evident, and it pleased a part of me to see that.

I wouldn't have to worry about Rosalie scaring her off.

Not that she was the only thing that would, our family had a closet full of skeletons that could just as easily ward her off. Literally.

I tried to push that thought away, stomping out the bad vibes as fast as they came, instead focusing in on the emotions she was feeling.

The warmth was grounding.

She moved along the list then, trying to pinpoint the two remaining seniors then, the two males. It was very easy to disregard Edward to be in the running for that one, his babyface clear that he was far under 21. Michael was slightly harder to tell, depending on how he chose to present himself.

She looked to the most obvious of our group, a sense of humor bubbling within her stronger the longer she looked at him. She found his monstrous size to be hilarious.

"I think it's safe to say you wouldn't need an I.D. check if you tried to get into a bar," she laughed, unable to hide the mirth that shined in her eyes. Emmett's booming laughter echoed off the walls, joining her soft one as he chuckled.

He nodded, giving her a wiggle of the brows, loving every second of the attention, "Emmett," was all he said as his introduction. She nodded, amused, in greeting.

And finally, the moment I had dreaded yet at the same time craved was upon me as she turned to see who was the last male in the group. Her eyes flickered to mine, and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as she met my gaze for the first time.

Her eyes widened in her own equally strong sense of shock, and I didn't dare lose focus on her emotions, wanting to analyze every single one. To see if she rejected me. Was afraid of me.

I was shocked to find none of those emotions there. Only surprise and a feeling of great fluster.

She blushed heavily, averting her eyes to the ground quickly to compose herself. She tucked a strand of hair out of her face, fidgeting before she regained her composure.

I found it most endearing that she reacted in such a way. I sent her a small wave of calm and confidence that she had been so boldly wearing only moments ago, subconsciously trying to make her feel secure. As cute as it was, it unsettled me to find her emotions to be weary and embarrassed.

She lost her voice momentarily, and to try and make things easier on her I swooped in, introducing myself for her. She smiled gratefully, that none of us made the small moment out to be anything.

Though I most certainly did and would remember it forever.

She smiled brighter then, much more welcoming than she had been towards the others, and I'll admit it most certainly had something to do with my abilities to strengthen her confidence and calm.

"It's nice to meet you, Jasper," she said, the sound of my name on her voice was like music to my ears.

I didn't bother hiding the small smirk that emerged on my lips.

She continued on with her introductions, finding Alice to be entertaining. Finally, after what felt like an eternity- but in reality was only about five minutes- we were ready to get on with the tour.

She led the way down the hall she had emerged from, taking confident strides through the empty halls. The semester had started only two weeks before we had arrived, and the rest of the student body had started their lessons.

She would stop outside the rooms of our classes, noting who would have which teacher and a little background about them. It was informative, and it was nice to know that she enjoyed the job she had. I was content just taking in the happy and positive emotions she felt as she went about the tour, the banter she had picked up with Emmett and the sweet conversations she had already started up with Nessie and Alice were touching. That she was already so comfortable around my family.

I had hung back towards the end of our group, finding the space to be best. At least for now. I was hyper-aware of every move I made. I didn't want to come off as aggressive or intimidating. It would be a long process.

I wanted to get to know her, build a friendship. If it were possible.

It wouldn't be fair to sweep her up and take her like some prize to be claimed, though for our kind it was often like that. She was a human girl- one who knew nothing of our true nature and the connection I felt towards her.

She would be the one to make that choice.

I only hoped it would be one that mirrored my own intentions.

I was drawn out of my thoughts when a loud, sharp ring echoed through the halls. Startling Catherine's words mid-sentence as she was explaining to Alice that they had chemistry lab together. I was going to be in that class with them as well.

The loud bell had signified the end of the first period, and she apologized for the interruption, asking for us to stay to the side as the students flooded out into the halls.

It was like a hive, the hum of the students loud in the air as they hurried along through the halls, groups huddling together as they conversed. Fitting in as much gossip as they could in the short five-minute break.

Our presence didn't go unnoticed, heads turning every which way to get a glimpse of the new kids. And not just any new kids- eight highly attractive new kids. For the first time that day Rosalie perked up, hyper-aware of the attention she was getting from the onlookers.

Poor Renesmee looked like a deer in headlights, and it took Bella's squeeze of her hand to snap her out of the daze. She had been staring right back at the humans. Like a kid at the zoo.

I paid the stares little mind, my focus still on our guide. Catherine.

It was quickly becoming apparent that she had a large role here, various students of all ages stopping to say hello to her and chat in passing. She knew a lot of people. And a lot of people seemed to know her, and like her just the same.

The knowledge was slightly painful, and the apologetic look in Edward's eye confirmed my worries. She would have a very high-profile life, making it hard for us to build a relationship with her. For me to.

The more attention on us, the harder it would be to keep our nature a secret.

It was yet another hurdle I would have to face.

My internal turmoil was brought to a halt when a group of three guys approached, and it was instinctual that I sized them up.

They wore letterman jackets, the patches on their arms telling me they were football players. I froze when Catherine turned around at the middle guy's call of her name.

"What's up Cat?" he called, a grin eating away at his face, "we missed you in English this morning."

I took in his frame, it was muscular and tall, just like the other two boys. The body of a quarterback or defensive lineman.

It meant nothing compared to my strength. He'd snap like a toothpick.

She smiled when she realized who it was, laughing lightly when he threw his arm over her shoulder. It took everything in me not to snap, instinctually. I was like a raw nerve, and it took Emmett's grip on my arm to snap me out of it.

I couldn't help the possessiveness that came over me, and I felt a tinge of guilt for feeling so. But I never took my glare off the boy, not a chance. His risky hands would be toothpick shards if they ventured any further.

"Well look who it is, if it isn't Mr. Star Player and his groupies!" she teased, earning laughs from the three boys. She mockingly punched him in the side, and he withdrew his arm, standing back a bit with the others. He had a mop of messy brown hair, the boyishness of his face had yet to fade from his adolescence even though he was clearly around eighteen. They all towered over her, though only slightly, her posture strong and demanding. She could hold her own ground.

I had to repetitively remind myself of that when I assessed their emotions.

Humor, the primary emotion waifing off the boy at the center, Mr. Sticky Fingers. It seemed he was in the clear, his own emotions for her more so that of a friend, as a sibling. Though there was an underlying sense of arousal and flirtation from the other two boys, directed at her. They didn't know her nearly as well.

It was incredibly too hard to keep from giving in to my temptation, to send them all such strong emotion of fear and horror that they'd wet their pants.

Another firm squeeze of my arm from Emmett kept me grounded, and the slight inching of Michael closer to me didn't go unnoticed.

"I'm on student council duties today," she said, before turning to gesture to us, "I'm showing around the new kids to their classes for tomorrow, this is the Cullens."

Their eyes widened as they noticed, taking in the buzzed-about new kids.

Mr. Sticky Fingers smiled, his eyes slightly wide in unabashed amazement. He cocked his head to the side, a sense of sudden confidence waifing off him as his eyes landed on Renesmee. Edward seemed to catch on quickly, moving to stand taller and closer to her.

"Why hello there," he said, his voice noticeably dropped a level. Eyes never leaving her form. I could practically feel Rosalie's eyes roll in to the back of her head.

She shifted uneasily, looking to her mother for help on what to do. She never let her polite smile drop though, her trust and desire to mingle with humans stronger than her discomfort at the attention.

"Hi," she said, softly. He smiled wider at the returned acknowledgment. Though at the behavior Edward was exhibiting he chose to look away, eyes immediately drawn to the mountain of a man that was Emmett.

He whistled, eyes shot up as he took in the sheer mass that was my brother.

"Wow, man," he said, shaking his head in disbelief, " _please_ tell me you plan on signing up for the team this year."

Emmett laughed, a bit smug at the attention. He crossed his arms, unabashedly showing off his flex. Again, I could feel Rosalie's irritation growing by the second.

He shook his head, "No, throwing and catching balls isn't really my cup of tea."

The guys' faces all fell at the news. A player like Emmett could single-handedly destroy any team they faced. We knew it from the first-hand experience.

He had once taken off Michael's arm playing a game of football in the backyard. And it had been on accident. No one wanted to find out what would happen if his opponents were a bunch of pubescent humans.

"Well, if you ever change your mind, dude. Let me know," he said, before Catherine butted in, reigning in the conversation. She lightly tapped his arm.

"Alright, Alright, I think you've pestered the Cullens enough for one day, Josh."

He threw his hands up in mock surrender, to which she laughed lightly.

"My bad, my bad. Fine. But, Cat, don't forget about us!" He said, pointing a finger at her, narrowing his eyes, "We still exist! Take a break from all the committees and council work at lunch and come sit with us, we all miss you at the round table!"

She laughed, nodding that she indeed would join them later, before shooing them away.

She turned back to us, an apologetic look in her eye.

"Sorry about him," she said, a slightly humored look in her eye, "Josh tends to put his foot in his mouth more often than not."

Emmett chuckled.

The halls had cleared by the time the boys had turned the corner, and with a small smile, she was back to where she had started. We continued through the campus.

I never wanted it to end. I was content just listening to her talk about the school, the classes, and the little funny stories she had about certain teachers when she passed their rooms. I could listen to her talk all day.

She compared her schedule to each of ours, and I was delighted that we shared three classes together. But it also stung because I selfishly wished I had more time with her. Renesmee was delighted as well to know she had four classes with the girl, and I was jealous of the fact.

She would get to see my mate more than I did.

We had made our way around the campus, going through all the main buildings and floors where relevant rooms and amenities would be should we need them.

From her side conversations with Alice and Renesemee, I learned that she was on the soccer team, head player and Captain. A piece of information that made a deeper part of me practically purr in delight.

She didn't boast, didn't gossip about anything with them, which was a nice change. So many teenagers these days, boys and girls alike, tended to be quite boring in their conversation and interests.

It was a breath of fresh air to listen to her animated conversations with Alice, keeping up with every colorful topic the pixie brought up.

We made our way back to the main lobby, the fluorescent lights from above making her hair look lighter than it was in the natural light. I tried to commit the image to memory, knowing that I would never forget it. The way she looked when I first saw her.

I hadn't even spoken more than two words to her.

But it felt like I had known her for a lifetime.

She stayed with us for a moment, continuing to chat away with Alice and Renesmee about a brand of clothing that they liked, before the conversation died down. Promises that they couldn't wait to meet up again in class.

No one was surprised that Alice reached in for a hug as we said our goodbyes, though the lack of reaction to the cold touch was interesting. She didn't hesitate or flinch from the cold, as most humans did. Nor did she react funny when she felt the overheated touch of Renesmee's skin.

I noted the odd interaction but wrote it off as just an insistent need to be polite.

"Well, I hope you all find Lakewood to be a great place to start fresh," she said, her green eyes scanning over each of us. Her eyes lingered on mine for a second, a fluttering in my hollow chest as I was delighted that she was enamored with me. Even if it was only a fraction of what I felt for her.

It was there.

"I'll see you all tomorrow!" she said cheerfully, and with a final goodbye from us all, we left.

She stood in the lobby as we walked out the front doors, one by one and out to the cars.

I had to think through my steps, forcing each leg to move.

My instincts begging me to stay. Stay with her.

 _Don't let her go!_

Emmett's reassuring grip as he threw his arm over my shoulder was much appreciated, and I sent a few of my thanks to him. Words still unable to form, my mind boggled with the overpowering instincts.

We took off as soon as the last car door closed, Michael speeding down the road. They had led me to their red car without a word, a silent understanding that I needed the added comfort only my two oldest companions could grant me. Rosalie had begrudgingly ridden with Edward and the girls.

Alice leaned back over the middle of the dash, eyes alight in her excitement. She squealed as she looked at me.

"Oh, Jasper!" She said excitedly, "Didn't I tell you? Oh, didn't I tell you! It was perfect!"

I looked at her wearily, her bubbly emotions mixing with my unsure ones oddly. Emmett slapped my shoulder jokingly. He wiggled his brows.

"I think Jasper has a crush for a certain little _cat,_ don't you think, guys?" he joked, and I frowned at him. I gave him a warning look, the two in the front seat laughing along with him at the joke.

"Don't you worry, Jazz. It's going to be great. You'll see," Alice said through her laughter.

"It's all going to work out just fine. After all, I've seen it."

Her words stung me oddly, hitting a place I hadn't felt before. Something taunting, looming over me. An intuition.

Maybe, it would be. But I had a feeling it would be far from easy to get there.

I only hoped I could make that vision a reality.


	3. Fast Times at Lakewood High

**A/N:** For reference, Cat's mother was inspired by the actress Gillian Anderson's character from The Fall and her father after Paul Newman in The Mackintosh Man! I hope you enjoy this chapter! xx

* * *

Chapter Three:

 **Fast Times at Lakewood High**

* * *

I waited in the lobby a moment longer after the group left, watching them make their way out to the parking lot.

It wasn't until their figures were mere blurs in the distance did I move, retreating back into the main office.

That had been, for a lack of a better word, _intense._

I had never seen a more beautiful group of people in my entire life.

And I had even been to New York City during Fashion Week one time.

Even then, the models I had seen as a child on the trip my mother had taken me on didn't even stand a chance against the literal gods and goddesses that were the Cullen children.

It had taken everything in me not to stare outright upon seeing them when I rounded the corner that morning, their pale features were simply dazzling. I was surprised I didn't blanch at them, mouth agape, as I tried to work through in my mind the possibility that they were even real.

But they were, and I was thankful that I didn't embarrass myself in front of them, giving myself a mental pat on the back for keeping my cool.

I couldn't say the same for Ms. Hawthorne, who, as I entered the office with a sigh nearly jumped out of her seat at me, eyes wide as saucers as she gauged my expression. I couldn't offer her more than a frazzled smile and a shrug of my shoulders at her slew of questions.

"So.. How did it go? Were they nice? My, child! I have never seen the likes of such people! Please tell me I haven't gone crazy and that they were actually real?" she asked, her usually cheery tone wavering, a gleam of worry in her wide eyes, hidden partially behind her bright red glasses. A hope there that she wasn't going insane- like as if she had seen a ghost.

"It went really well, I think it did, anyway," I said after a moment of gathering my thoughts, making my way to the back room. Ms. Hawthorne was right on my heels as she followed, soaking up every word, hoping to catch whatever gossip-worthy things I could tell her.

I didn't really have much.

I entered the room, which was the office lounge, and where I kept my things when I did school tours. I took my time gathering my backpack, neatly putting away the student files I had studied vigorously earlier that morning. I threw the bag over my shoulder after zipping it up. I could only shrug again, almost apologetically this time.

I gave her a small, sad smile at the disappointed look in her eye, that I didn't have anything juicy for her.

"They seemed really nice, some were a bit shy, they didn't talk too much besides the polite responses to my questions and things. But you know how first days are, everyone is a bit unsettled moving to a new place," I said, taking my time to make sure I kept the words as neutral as possible. Gossiping was something I tried not to do much of, especially when it came to the new kids.

She nodded eagerly, in agreement. But I could see the disappointed gleam in her eye that she didn't get anything more from me.

The Cullens would have a hard time as it was without my input, I thought. With the way everyone had looked at them on the tour when the bell had rung... Everyone probably already knew about them thanks to the internet and group chats.

I didn't want to know what questions awaited me at lunch.

I looked to the clock on the wall behind the rickety old coffee maker in the corner, noting that, if I didn't book it, I was going to miss lunch all together.

I gave a final, last little smile to Ms. Hawthorne, who had finally relented in her rapid fire of questions.

We said goodbye for now, and I made my way to the cafeteria where I knew something just short of trouble waited for me.

After stopping to put my backpack in my locker, I quickly walked to the cafeteria. As I neared the large double doors of the giant building, I braced myself. The rattling of tables and hum of conversations made the handles vibrate, and I knew the unusual increase in chatter had something to do with the new kids.

For the forty-five minutes of lunch, we were free to come and go as we pleased, the faculty and staff relaxed and hidden away in the teacher's lounge that was conjoined to the back of the building. They never cared what went on, as long as no punches or food were thrown, we were left to our own devices.

I had a feeling that that meant everyone had out their phones, group chats on fire with the news as they all tried to gather what they could about the new kids. I groaned at the thought that a lot of them probably included mentions of me.

Putting on the best game face I could muster, I threw it open, making my way through the vast building of crowded tables. Most were long, rectangle in shape with built-in benches. Some were smaller and square, fitting for groups of fifteen to twenty. Each was crowded to the brim with students, vivid conversations echoing off the walls.

I did my best to ignore the turning heads and hushed, unmistakable mentions of my name as I passed by, all curious to know what I knew. I pushed forward, not daring to let my confident facade fall.

But there was only one table that was different, a small, intimate table with free standing chairs, fitting up to twelve people if you squeezed in, shoulder-to-shoulder.

The round table.

It was a tradition that was rumored to have gone back decades at Lakewood- ever since the new campus had been built in the 70s- the table had always been there, at the very center of the room. Reserved for the seniors who dared claim it each new year, often times passed down from class to class, the "blessing" of the older student's making it an almost sacred space, no one daring to go against it.

It was where my friends sat this year, and as I made my way through the crowd of passing students, I finally made my way to them.

Everyone was leaning in, a hushed and rushed conversation being passed among them all, food forgotten and untouched as they no doubt tried to piece together the newest town mystery.

The Cullens.

I came to a stop behind Josh, who was leaning forward in his chair lazily, taking up every inch of space he could reach with his propped arms, completely oblivious to my presence.

The blonde across from him was the first to notice my appearance, her bright blue eyes lighting up at the sight of me. She squealed excitedly, sending Josh nearly a foot in the air, spooked by her sudden outburst.

I couldn't help but laugh at the reaction, smiling at everyone when they one by one noticed my presence. Josh leaned back to see what they were looking at, the confusion on his tanned face turning to amusement as he realized who it was.

"Cat! _Finally,_ I thought you weren't going to make it!" The blonde announced ecstatically, clearing her things hurriedly out of the chair beside her, the one she had saved for me. Even though we all knew no one would ever take it, it had quickly become my unassigned "assigned" seat.

I moved around the table to sit beside her, a sing-song of greetings passed around the table to me by everyone as they noticed I had, indeed, finally made it. A cold water bottle was pushed across the table to me by Josh, and I gave him a small nod of thanks before looking to the giddy blonde.

I cracked open the lid of the bottle, letting the blue cap roll around the table top before fell to the center with a thud.

"Well, I guess I proved you wrong now didn't I, Anna Claire?" I said jokingly, a faux look of mockery on my face, to which she only laughed, rolling her eyes. I sipped the water slowly, taking in the conversation around me, trying to catch up on what I missed.

Anna Claire was the biggest gossip I knew, and as the head of the cheer team, I couldn't say it was surprising. She knew everyone and everything there was to know about them. It kept us all on our toes, to say the least. But she was kind to everyone, even if her dramatic tendencies made her seem less than so, she truly was. I guessed she only showed people what she wanted them to see, and being one of my closest friends, I knew there was a tender side to her that made her my closest confidant in my times of need.

She gave me a small nudge before looking over to the girl who sat diagonally to our left, Melanie, expectantly. She was cuddled up to her beau, Lukas, who up until this summer had been her on and off again crush since we were in elementary. Everyone was sick of them running circles around each other, not admitting their attraction until Anna Claire may or may not have locked them in a room until they came clean. It was about time.

The stunning, ebony girl was another close friend of mine, our friendship going back to before we were even able to crawl. We grew up next door to each other, nearly every day of our childhood spent together after school, and little had changed since then. Only now we could drive ourselves places rather than our parents chaperoning everything we did.

Unlike Anna Claire, she wasn't a cheerleader, rather, she was a member of the theater group and choir. She was always one for theatrics, something she and Anna Claire most definitely bonded over. Gossip was also her middle name, but she usually kept her knowledge amongst the inner circle, those who sat at this very table.

"Come on, Mel, _please_ do fill me in?" I said dramatically, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself for indulging them in the drama. She waved my terrible acting skills off with a laugh of her own, musical and delicate. Her makeup was always done to perfection, and the glittery eyeshadow she wore shined in the bright cafeteria lights as she moved.

"You already know good and well what we're discussing, Cat," she said mischievously, a wicked gleam in her eye as she smiled. I raised a brow, nodding. I knew full and well what it was, but I didn't feel like bringing it up myself. Thankfully, my group of friends was much more talkative than me.

"You _have_ to tell me everything you know about them, especially that scrumptiously tall, tortured looking one with the hair," came a voice to my right, and I couldn't help but laugh at the sight before me.

Frankie sat there, hands splayed out before him as he leaned over, a wild and cloudy look in his eyes. As if recalling the sight of the Cullens once more. He must have passed them in the hall.

Of course, he did.

Frankie was the editor of the school paper, and if there was something to know, or if you needed to find something out, he was the one to go to. I raised a brow at him quizzically, trying to piece together which one he was referring to. They were all tall and handsome with good hair.

Especially one in particular, but I pushed that thought to the side almost as soon as it came. I didn't dare entertain the idea, and right now was definitely not the time to unpack the feelings he had provoked in me.

"I'm going to take a guess and say you mean Edward?" I asked slowly, narrowing my eyes in question, before gesturing to my hair, "the one with the wild auburn hair?" He nodded eagerly, and at the confirmation eyes around the table darted between us, eager to be filled in.

Not everyone had seen them and must have felt out of the loop. Anna Claire, in particular, perked up at the mention of the words "tall" and "handsome".

" _Yes,_ he was so gorgeous, I could roll him up with some Camembert cheese and eat him like a _snack- mhmm!_ ," he said wistfully, staring off into oblivion, head resting on his propped hand, and I tried my hardest to not roll my eyes at his antics.

"Well, while I'm sure that would make a wonderfully good time paired with some Chardonnay, I think you'll be interested to know that he's not exactly available," I said quickly, wishing to throw the information out there and off my chest, the little bit of gossip I took part in feeling like more than enough for the day already.

Even Josh, who had become distracted by a side conversation with Troy and Lukas, the two remaining males in our group who had bumped into me earlier in the halls, seemed to have his attention caught by that bit of information. They soaked it in for a second before someone finally spoke.

This time, it was the often reserved, freckled redhead that sat on the other side of Frankie who said something. Her name was Hannah. She was a good friend, one who I always bonded over school clubs and assignments with. She had a slight pout to her lip at the news, her light green eyes looking at me sadly, sighing. "Darn it, I knew it was too good to be true. There's no way someone like him would be on the market."

Frankie gave her an exaggerated look of pity, lightly patting her on the shoulder. She sighed, crossing her arms in defeat.

"Please tell me he's not involved with the brunette chick he was standing awfully close to this morning," came the deep voice of Troy, dark brows furrowed in disbelief as he questioned, large arms crossed tightly over his chest. I hesitated for a moment as the others pieced together what he implied. I had to give it to him, he was actually quite observant for once to catch that.

I nodded, and shocked gasps echoed around the table, "Yeah, her name's Bella. She was quite nice, but you know they aren't really related, right?" I said, quick to set the story straight. Leaving no loose ends that could turn the news into messy gossip. The _last_ thing I needed was to be behind an incest rumor.

Ears perked up even more at the news, and Anna Claire leaned in closer to me then, her shoulder pressing into mine as she eyed me.

"I think you need to give us the DL, Cat. We want to know! What do you mean they're _together?"_ asked, saying that last part in a half-whisper, eyes darting around as if it were some cardinal sin to speak such a thing. I could only shrug, thinking for a moment on what I was supposed to say, or if I should say anything at all.

"I think I've said enough for one day, guys. I think you'll just have to wait and see tomorrow, on their first day. Several of them have classes with us. After all, what's the fun in me just telling you everything? You'll see soon enough," I said, eyes not daring to meet anyone else's around the table, and as a way to shut myself up I snagged an apple slice from Anna Claire's plate, to which she gasped indignantly, but only rolled her eyes before scooting the plate closer to me with her hand. I gave her a smile of faux innocence and thanks before going in for another.

Melanie looked as if she wanted to argue, but decided against it. Frankie did the same, no doubt agreeing. It would be fun for him to get the dirt on his own, first hand, I could picture him thinking as he twirled a fallen strand of his curly black hair thoughtfully.

I don't know what I would pay to be able to have just a glimpse into his mind, you could never tell.

In an effort to change the topic to something other than the new kids and myself, I pointed to the two empty chairs between Troy and Hannah. The presence of the remaining two members of our tight-knit group unsettling the usual warm vibe they emitted.

"Where did Natalie and Pri run off to?" I asked confused, having expected the usually talkative pair to be there. Frankie shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head.

"I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if they snuck off to cuddle up behind the bleachers or something, you know how that goes," Frankie chirped in, his smile replaced with a sad frown and look of pity at the thought, and the rest of us felt the same.

With her father a member of the faculty, it made hiding their relationship extra hard for Priyanka. I frowned at the fact, knowing she had to hide her relationship with Natalie from her parents, they didn't approve, to say the least.

They took any chance they could to see each other.

"Well, I can't blame them. Not after her mom caught her sneaking out this summer to meet Nat down at the drive-in," Melanie offered, a humored look in her eye at the memory. We all nodded, laughing in agreement.

"I could have sworn she was going to yank her back in through the window like the Hulk she was so furious, I'm surprised she didn't turn green," I said, having been there along with the other girls that night, the sight of the petite Indian woman rushing to the window to catch her daughter that was twice her size by the ear was quite the show. We had meant to cover for her while she was gone, pretending we were all going to have a sleepover while she went to visit her girlfriend of four months.

It didn't go as planned.

The final bell rang loudly overhead. Alerting us all that our free time had ended and it was time to go back to class.

We all rose nearly at once, myself taking the plate of food from Anna Claire despite her objections and threw it away as we passed the trashcan on our way out.

We all fell into easy conversation about what we had all done over the weekend, and I was glad for the change of conversation. Especially when the looks of interest and curiosity had yet to cease from passers-by, hordes of underclassmen looking at me like fish out of water from afar.

Melanie and Anna Claire hooked my arm with theirs before dragging me off, giving hardened looks to any who dared look our way, sending the kids scattering. I gave them both small smiles of thanks, and we all laughed as we made our way into the main building where our next classes were.

* * *

The school day couldn't have ended fast enough.

As I made my way to the parking lot after seventh period, physics with Mr. Kaur- who still hadn't forgiven me for helping his daughter plot to sneak out that summer, I was completely and utterly exhausted.

Although soccer hadn't started official practices yet, and I was thankful for a break during the fifth-period class- where Natalie and I spent the time catching up on what she missed during lunch- I was exhausted from the sheer lack of sleep I had gotten the night before.

I was usually good about compartmentalizing my thoughts- putting away the things I didn't want to think about until I was ready.

But the nightmare I had last night was too much to shake. Way too much.

It had felt _real._ So real.

It had drained everything from me to not completely lose my cool during the last two classes of my day, my mind wandering from the boring lectures of chemistry and physics to the much more pressing dread I hid within myself.

When I got home, I knew I was going to have to face it.

But not just yet.

As I made my way to the parking lot after the final bell, Melanie and Hannah alongside me chatting away, we met up with the rest of the group out by our cars. Another tradition, debriefing the events of the day while we all waited on our younger siblings to get out of class across the street at the middle school. Except for Frankie, who was an only child, but that didn't stop him from joining us.

Josh, as per usual, had dropped the tailgate of his truck, patting the spot next to him for me to sit which I took, Anna Claire having jumped up to the other spot on the other side just moments before we had arrived. His truck faced Melanie's yellow VW Beetle, where she all but ran into Lukas's lap. Frankie, annoyed with their nauseating PDA, leaned against it beside them, not hiding back his theatrics in the slightest at his disdain as they played tonsil hockey for the whole world to see.

He made a loud gagging sound, which made us all erupt in laughter. Melanie swatted at him playfully, before going back to leech her face against her boyfriend's.

The rest of the group joined us, and it was just like that we spent the next ten minutes chatting away before the middle school finally dismissed our siblings.

One by one someone's little brother or sister would come over, stealing or friends away as they went home. Departing words of "see you laters" were shared until there were only three of us left.

I tried not to worry too much, my own siblings were usually the first to appear, but as the minutes passed I paid attention to the nagging worry. Where were they?

The twins were in the eighth grade, each involved with their own activities. Even though they were identical, they put a lot of effort into distinguishing themselves from one another. Andrew, the oldest, was obsessed with basketball, dressing in whatever athletic clothes he could get his hands on, his brown hair cut short. Abe, the youngest, couldn't be any more different, finding his calling amongst the books in the library, interested in all things involving learning academics. His brown hair had a slight curl to it, long in length just passed his jaw. He meticulously planned each outfit to perfection, crisp neutral button downs were his go-to clothes.

Josh, as well as Anna Claire, had been nice enough to make their sisters wait with me, the two girls gladly standing off to the side on their cell phones chatting about who knows what that was circling their social media feeds that afternoon.

Josh spared me a worried glance, nudging me in the shoulder after I didn't meet his gaze, too caught up in worriedly tapping my fingers on the tailgate.

"Cat, did the twins tell you they were going to stay after school or something today?" he asked, just as confused as I was. It had been thirty minutes. They were never this late.

I shook my head, "No, they always text me if something comes up," I said quietly, and just as I was about to hop down and walk over to the middle school to investigate for myself, the front doors of the building in the distance flew open.

I released an audible sigh I didn't realize I was holding when I saw that it was the twins.

I nearly took it back when they got closer, their faces finally distinguishable.

The entire right side of Andrew's face was black and blue, his eye glued shut at the intense swelling of the area.

My blood was suddenly _boiling._

The air was tense, and no one dared move as they finally arrived in front of us, Drew keeping his head hung low in shame. Abe was not far behind him, his own head hung. I was slightly glad that his face was free of any signs of marks.

It was silent for a moment, the air quickly turning awkward as Josh and Anna Claire looked away, suddenly interested in their feet that dangled off the edge of the truck.

"I-" Drew began, but I cut him off, jumping down off the tailgate with a thud. My eyes narrowed in my anger. I barely bit out the words.

"Don't. Say. A. _Word."_ I said, holding up a hand, and he listened, looking back down in shame. I picked up the backpack that I had laid against the tires of the tall gray truck, slinging it over my shoulder forcefully.

I glanced over to Josh and Anna Claire, giving them a quick goodbye and thank you for waiting with me before stomping off to my car that was parked a few spaces down.

The boys followed behind me, like wounded animals.

I fished the keys out of my bag, unlocking the car. I threw in the backpack across the front to the passenger seat as I slid into the car, cranking it without a word.

The twins got in the back, knowing better than to say anything. I was too pissed off.

I started the car and within an instant, I was speeding out of the lot and onto the main road, headed home. I didn't even bother touching the radio, the silence filling the cab of the car was almost suffocating.

"Just you wait and see what mom has to say about this," was all I could manage to say in my anger, hands gripping the wheel tightly. My mind was reeling, caught up in the idea of what could have possibly earned that mark on Drew's face.

The only response was the quickening of Abe's foot tapping nervously behind me, and stealing a glance back through the mirror I saw he was practically holding back unshed tears in his guilt.

It was a ten-minute drive to the house, and upon reaching the gate of the property I all but leaned out the window to punch in the code quickly, speeding through the gate as soon as it opened wide enough. I almost took out the curves down the winding road, narrowly avoiding hitting the trees that lines the paved drive.

I threw the car into park as I pulled into the garage, not bothering to gather my backpack as I hopped out, putting a heavy emphasis on slamming my door as I exited.

With a final glare at the two, who hadn't even unbuckled yet, I strode inside through the garage entrance, which led into the laundry room.

I stormed down the hall, completely set on getting a front row seat for the utter shit show that was about to take place.

I found my mother in the large open kitchen, hunched over a large bowl of chopped ingredients at the large center island, whisking away. From the looks of it she was baking a cake, the cooking channel playing on the small television mounted over the tall fridge.

While my brothers had unmistakably gotten their looks from my father, I was nearly my mother made over.

She was dressed to the nines in her day attire, a mauve silk top paired with a black pencil skirt. All pulled together with a pair of black heels. A polka dotted apron was placed over the outfit to prevent any food from getting on the nice clothes. She wore her short blond bob in a pulled back bun today, the dyed hair flawlessly pulled back as she worked over the cake she was making. I had her gently sloped nose, her light green eyes.

The only difference was our lips, my own natural in their shape while she had a bit of work done to get hers the plumped volume they were today. Every bit the glamorous woman. My hair was the same color as hers when she was my age, only having gone blonde after her thirties.

I announced my presence by sneaking past her and around to the other side of the island to dip my finger into the bowl of batter, plunging the sweet chocolate mix into my mouth as she noticed me in surprise. She smiled when she realized it was me, setting down the whisk momentarily to greet me, wiping her floured hands on the apron skirt before moving around to give me a half hug.

"Oh, hello, honey. How was your day?" she asked, a small smile on her lips as she moved back to the task at hand, finishing up the batter before she moved to the other counter by the stove, where a cake pan waited. She poured in the mixture as I myself moved to the fridge, taking out a bottle of water and yogurt. I moved to sit at the bar, propping my feet up in the adjacent high-top chair.

"It was okay, I couldn't really sleep last night," I said, taking a sip of my water. I heard the side door open, the boys finally working up the nerve to come inside, and I quieted down, deciding to lean back and enjoy the show that was about to unfold.

There was a silence for a moment- the two no doubt trying to tiptoe their way past the kitchen, trying to go unnoticed. But as they tried to sneak by the kitchen, hoping mom wouldn't hear them since her back was turned, she turned around. Hand on her hip as she eyed the doorway.

"I _know_ you two boys didn't just try to sneak by me without even saying hello," she said with a huff, scoffing at their audacity. I muffled a laugh, forcing a spoonful of vanilla yogurt into my mouth to hide the sound.

They slowly backtracked, Abe walking in first, head hung low in his guilt as he approached the island, keeping a few feet between him and mom. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, knowing her youngest child would crack if she asked him what he was hiding. She raised a brow at the door, sensing Drew had paused there. Hesitant to show himself.

With a sigh, he came in, doing his best to maneuver his body that put the black eye on the side opposite of mom, making it look like he was doing an odd crab-walk. It was comical.

He stopped behind Abe, trying to put his face at an angle that would hide it behind Abe's curly hair.

"Andrew Joseph Anderson," she said sternly, and he tensed at the use of his full name, "what are you trying to hide?"

No one dared move, and you could hear the twins both gulp audibly, before Drew sheepishly moved away from Abe, looking at our mom for the first time. Facing her wrath.

She gasped, eyes wide in shock at what she saw, the swelling had gotten even worse since we had left school. Her shock quickly turned to anger once more, and she narrowed her eyes dangerously, pointing the spatula she had used to pour the cake batter at them both.

"Someone better start explaining what happened. _Right. Now."_

Drew spared a glance at Abe who gave him a fearful look in response, the twin telepathy we had always joked about them having sent an unspoken message between themselves. Drew spoke up finally.

"I got in a fight at school, during the seventh period," he said, his voice barely higher than a whisper, and I had to really focus on his words to understand him. I looked between him and my mom, wishing I had had time to stick a bag of popcorn in the microwave earlier so I could enjoy it as I watched the drama go down.

We expected these things from our oldest sibling, Alex, who was away at college now. He had been the one you had to look out for, always in some kind of mischief. He was the jock, the guy that always had a party planned. Fun and outgoing, but a firecracker when you pissed him off. Fights had been an often occurrence.

But the sweet, innocent twins? Never.

"It was in self-defense," he continued, looking down at his feet then, eyes never leaving the dirtied laces of his Nike tennis shoes, "Ben Tolbert threw the first punch, he had said something crude to a classmate..." he said, and at his tone, I perked up.

Something was off, he was hiding something. But I didn't say anything, instead looked to my phone, pretending I was no longer interested in the conversation, but I was listening closer than before. For anything they may give away. I would definitely be cornering them later about this.

"I defended the other kid when no one said anything back, he was being a downright bully. Next thing I know.. he was throwing punches," he sighed, "I didn't even get to give him a good knock in the jaw back, other kids had intervened by the time I regained my bearings."

Mom stared at him, her eyes so intense they could shatter glass, and even I would have shrunk away at the look she was now giving Drew. She looked at Abe after a moment, having seemed satisfied with his explanation for now, but the usually talkative youngest was being quiet.

Too quiet.

"It's true," he chirped, voice pitchy in his fear, wringing his hands together with his nerves, "I just got in trouble too because I was in the class at that time, and where one Anderson goes, the other usually follows. Just for moral support, though, just to make that clear."

Again, I had to muffle a laugh, he was hilarious when terrified by our mother.

I'd be using the mocking squeaky voice to taunt him for ages to come.

Seeming to be satisfied, for now anyway, mom waved them off, turning back to the cakes she had forgotten about.

"Just.. put an ice pack on it, Andrew. You look ridiculous," she said sternly before adding, "but don't think this is over. You will be dealing with your father when he gets home, young man. He will be so disappointed with you."

The boys all but shuttered in fear at the mention of what was to come. Facing mom's wrath was one thing, but dad? Hell hath no fury like our father when he was upset.

Abe helped get the ice packs from the freezer for Drew, and the two scurried off down the hall, no doubt going up to their room to hide away until the fateful hour dad would arrive.

It was silent for a moment in the kitchen, the only sound the soft hum of the television. Mom leaned against the island, arms crossed tightly over her chest as she glared daggers at the stove. As if it had punched her in the face.

Finally, she stormed off, entering the large pantry in the back of the room, and I could hear her rummaging through what sounded like glass racks.

Oh boy, she wasn't going to- oh, yes. She was.

She emerged triumphantly with a large double bottle of red wine in one hand, two stemmed glasses in the other. She placed them down gently on the bar beside me, and I threw my feet down and sat up straight, making room for her to join me.

There were only two occasions when my mother would drink: at funerals and when Alex messed up.

I guess we were now adding Drew's mistakes to that list, too.

She popped the cork out of the bottle, pouring steady streams of crimson liquid into the glasses, filling hers nearly to the rim with the beverage.

I raised a brow at her, to which she only rolled her eyes, downing the liquid fast and hurriedly, as if it would grow legs and run off.

Wow, she must have really been upset.

We sat there a moment, trying to find peace in the silence before she finally felt ready to talk.

"So, tell me more about your day, dear. Didn't you have a student tour you were excited about today?" she asked softly, doing well to hid the negative emotions from showing in her voice. My mother was tough, having to put up with a lot over the years, and she did well at putting on a brave face. But I had seen her at her lowest points, I knew when she was trying to act brave when she was really the opposite.

I indulged her in the small talk, happy to ease her mind for the moment with my day's routine.

"I did, it was really nice. I think the new kids will enjoy Lakewood, at least, I hope they will," I said thoughtfully, tracing my finger around the untouched glass of wine before me, allowing myself to think back on my morning and the new faces I had met.

On a certain handsome blond one in particular.

She raised a brow, her interest peaked, wanting to know more. "These are the children of the new surgeon and his wife, correct? Oh, what was his name.. Dr. Cullen, right?" she asked, to which I nodded. "That's so wonderful what they've done for those kids, taking them in like that, when they're so young themselves."

"Yeah, they seemed like good kids. I didn't get to speak with them all a whole lot, but I did get to know two of the girls pretty well during the tour," I said, recalling the pleasant conversations I had quickly sparked with Renesmee and Alice, "I hope I get to know them better, they seemed really fun to be around."

She nodded in agreement at the information, her wine glass now empty. She went to refill it, but I grabbed it before she could. I sat it on my opposite side away from her, taking her glass and mine in my hands before jumping down from the barstool and over to the sink.

The last thing we needed was for her to show up drunk to dinner, that plus dad going off on the twins? It would be a recipe for disaster.

She scowled at me but didn't object, and after setting the glassed in the sink I grabbed the bottle and sealed it, placing a quick peck on her cheek before placing the bottle back on the wine rack in the pantry.

"I love you mom," I said softly, giving her a kind look, and at her smile I left the kitchen, making my way towards my room.

While our parents had their room on the east wing of the first floor, my siblings and I all had our rooms upstairs- the boys all in the east, while I had the west all to myself.

Being the only girl had its perks.

I all but launched myself onto my bed, the neatly made sheets wrinkling upon my body's impact, the small decorative pillows flying off at the force. I groaned, the stress of the day finally weighing down on my shoulders.

I was relieved to finally be home. But while that usually would give me comfort, it didn't help relieve the stress much.

I was stuck, alone, with my thoughts.

And they were often my worst enemy.

I had, for the most part, had a good day. The Cullens had been a unique and interesting surprise, one I was not prepared for. But I couldn't say I was mad about it, not at all.

I had gotten an exclusive first look at Lakewood's newest family. They had been nice, as friendly as one could be on their first day in a new place, and frankly I liked what I saw.

I _really_ liked what I saw.

Though I wasn't quite sure what to make of Jasper Hale- the distance he had kept himself at, the minimal amount of words he had spoken to me- I couldn't deny that he stirred something in my chest that I had never felt before.

There had been the occasional crush growing up, the awkward flirting at an age where I didn't even properly understand what a dating even meant- the terribly awkward first kiss I wish I could take back it was so cringe-worthy- but when it came to dating?

I had absolutely no experience, no real knowledge for what it felt like to truly fall for someone.

Was this it?

I knew that rationally, I couldn't be falling for the guy. Not completely, I had just met him. Hadn't even spoken more than five words to him directly. I knew nothing about him, only the way his presence made me feel.

I wanted to get to know him more.

Even his family, no matter their obvious quirks. I wanted to get to know them better, to understand what kind of people they were. I felt as if there was a story there that not many knew. And I wanted to know it.

I just hoped that I hadn't misread them, that I wasn't over analyzing every little interaction I had with them.

Was it possible they were just being polite and didn't find me to be the least bit interesting? Tomorrow they would show up and act as if I wasn't good enough? They were just _so_ perfect.

It was hard to come to terms with the fact that they were indeed real live people.

I had to get to know the Cullens.

A beep from my phone on the dresser brought me back and out from my haze and turning over to see who it was, I couldn't help the smile that etched itself onto my face.

 **Bet you can't beat my record for a five-minute mile. Meet me in three? - Josh**

I jumped up from my bed, at the text, a new sense of energy coursing through my veins at the challenge. I typed a hasty response.

 **Oh, you're so on. Only if you bring the refreshments!**

I dug through the dresser for my running shorts and a tank, throwing them on quickly, not bothering to put up the clothes I had worn earlier. The outfit strewn across the cream-colored carpet.

I grabbed my running shoes as I exited my room, taking the stairs two at a time. I jumped down to the landing at the front door, sparing a moment to sit at the last step to put on the shoes.

Throwing open the front door, I pulled up my hair into a tight ponytail, and when I tugged on it to ensure it was secure, I took off down the long driveway.

We lived just outside the city limits, the generous number of acres my parents had built their home upon was the one thing my father had dreamed of. When he finally saw his company launch off, it was the first thing he and my mother purchased.

Shortly after my parents moved out here, some of their friends had done the same, one of them being Melanie's parents. The other was Josh's.

Though he was further down our road, we had quickly discovered a path through the piney woods that connected our properties, and as I neared the end of the drive, he emerged from the green woods.

He gave me a beaming smile, two bottles of water in his hands. I gladly accepted the one he offered me, and after a few minutes of us stretching, we took off.

It was one of the most peaceful things in the world, running along the winding road, dense evergreen trees expanding high above the asphalt roads, creating a canopy of sorts.

If there was one thing we agreed on, Josh and I, it was that the best solution to all your problems was a good run. To be able to sweat away your worries, pushing your body to its limits. Running and running until there was nothing left to outrun, your troubles left in the past.

We made it to the end of the road, the mile mark, but didn't dare stop in our pace, simply turning around and working our way back.

Thirty minutes later we found ourselves sprawled out on the paved entrance to my drive, Josh dousing his shirt with the water he brought to cool himself down, worn out. I had insisted we continue in the opposite direction, adding three miles to the run. He was never one to turn down a bet.

But it kicked his ass.

"I don't see how you're not even that winded, Cat," he said, doing his best to sound steady, but he was breathless and airy, "See, this is why I don't even try to pretend I like soccer. You guys run miles every game and it doesn't even faze you."

I laughed at his pitiful state, taking a long swig of the water. "That's what happens when you spend more time lifting weights and ignoring the importance of cardio, doofus," I laughed, picking at him. I pretended to flex my arm muscles like one of those bodybuilders from tv. He rolled his eyes and laughed, throwing some of the water out of the bottle at me.

I failed in shielding myself from the spray, my face no doubt soaked even further from the water as if the sweat hadn't washed away any traces of my makeup already.

We sat there, laughing and having a good time for a little while longer. I always enjoyed his company.

"So, how badly did Cynthia tear into the twins?" he asked, slightly amused though there was a sober undertone there that I didn't miss. I shrugged at the mention of my mother's name, thinking back to the twins' behavior.

"She was livid, but I'm sure Dad will be the one who really tears them a new one," I said, laughing a bit at the thought, "but it was weird.. the explanation Drew gave for getting into the fight just didn't sound right to me.

Alex, sure, I could believe he would take the first chance he could to knock another kid out for talking smack. But Drew? He had to have been really pushed to his limits to even speak up towards anyone, he wouldn't just do that out of nowhere," I said, noting the contemplative look in Josh's eye.

We sat there in silence for a moment more, before he spoke up again.

"Do you think that... maybe," he said, almost hesitantly, as if unsure if he should say whatever it was that he was thinking. I raised a brow. He sighed, "I don't know, Cat. Do you think that maybe he was standing up to the bully because they might have picked on Abe?"

I thought for a moment, the idea not coming to me earlier. It could be possible.

"I mean, there's no one else he cares about more than his little brother. And you and I both know how hard being a preteen can be," he said, giving me a knowing look. I frowned, knowing exactly what he meant.

I had faced the same wrath of pubescent kids in middle school, back when I had just started back after being out for so long. Kids really were jerks. I don't know what I would have done without Josh and Melanie.

"True, I mean, it could totally be possible," I said, nodding in agreement, "but he'll never tell me what happened, though. Those two- they'll take their secrets to the grave."

He laughed, nodding. The twins were thick as thieves, where one went the other followed. Even if they had different interests, they always had each other's back. I couldn't help but feel a bit sour that I didn't really have that, not since Alex moved off to college.

We hung out for a bit longer until the sun started to set, and Josh had to leave to go get ready for dinner. I took my time heading back to the house, enjoying the cool evening air.

I inched up the spiraling staircase, taking my time making my way to the bathroom.

I prepped the shower, turning on the powerful sprays to let them heat up as I disrobed.

The urge to ignore the mirror was hard to ignore, but catching something in my line of sight I froze, my head snapping to the fogging mirror. I furiously wiped away the steam before turning to the side, leaning in closer to the reflection.

There- at the place where my shoulder met the upper arm, was a bruise. I thought on it for a moment, wondering where it could have come from. I gently poked it with my finger, noting that it stung slightly, but not terribly.

I had collected my fair share of bruises during my time playing soccer, and I didn't bruise easily. It took a really hard kick to the shins or other appendages to leave a mark on me. But I hadn't been back on the field in months.

I swallowed thickly as my mind, once again, filled with unwelcome thoughts of worry, as my eyes drifted to the right of my chest, right above my breast.

It could only be noticed if you knew where to look, or knew that it was there to begin with. But for me- it stuck out like a sore thumb. A scar the size of a silver dollar was faded pink, drawn straight horizontally across the flesh there.

From the port I had received and had removed all those years ago, finally healing to a normal color.

But it would always remain, no matter how well the skin neutralized.

I didn't want to even think how faded the others on my back were, no doubt just as jagged and angry as the day I got them.

It was something only three people outside my parents and siblings knew about.

One of the reasons Josh had valiantly given that jerk Ryan Blackwell a black eye and a bloody nose in the seventh grade, for making jokes about what he had seen when I had finally worked up the courage to go to his birthday party at the local swimming pool, only to end up crying in a corner, trying to cover as much of my body as possible in beach towels.

And it was another reason he knew me better than almost anyone else, he had been there when we were little kids and didn't quite understand the seriousness of the threats at hand. Didn't mind the days when he had more hair on his head than I did, it was simply an excuse to ask his mom to buy me funny hats from the store when he came to visit.

I still kept the plastic pink crown he had given me on my sixth birthday.

Years had passed since those days, we had grown up, gotten healthy. Became our own people, but he never once left my side. Like a loyal Golden Retriever.

But as I looked at the mirror, taking in the fist-sized bruise, I couldn't help but waiver in my calm.

The dream came flooding back full force.

Was it really happening again?

 _It can't be. You're okay. Everything's okay._

I repeated the reaffirment in my mind a million times, over and over in my head as I showered, even still thinking the words on repeat through dinner, through the harsh scolding dad gave the twins.

Even still, when I laid down in my bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, I repeated them to myself. Hoping to magically will them into being.

Everything would be okay.

It had to be.


	4. Sad, Lonely, and Bad at Math

Chapter Four:

 **Sad, Lonely, and Bad at Math**

* * *

 **Jasper POV**

The time between leaving campus after the tour and arriving back at the school the next morning had felt like an eternity.

I thought I knew what my siblings had felt like, any time they had been separated from their mates. I had found their dramatics to be ridiculous.

But it had been absolute hell, trying to cope and process the cocktail of conflicting emotions I had felt.

I sat before the fireplace, never leaving the chair I had plopped into as soon as I had walked in the door.

I knew that if I moved, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from running out into the night, to find her again.

Was it truly this difficult, right off the bat?

Emmett and Michael had taken to sitting on the sofa to keep me company sometime after midnight when they realized I wouldn't be getting up anytime soon.

They had found it humorous. Finally, I was feeling my fair share of the struggle I had teased them for so many times in the past.

I was now eating my words.

I barely knew her. Honestly, I didn't know her at all. I had spoken maybe three, four words to her.

Why did it feel as though that was somehow enough for me to justify feeling this way?

While it was a gift I had finally found my mate, the one I had longed to meet for decades, I couldn't help but hate how finding her had changed me.

Gone was the man who had been hardened by war, swept out from under me in a single moment. The guarded stone heart now turned red and mushy from only minutes of being around this girl.

What would happen as I grew closer to her?

I had judged Edward so harshly all those years ago when he had taken to sneaking off in the night to visit Bella. I had found it unnecessary, surely he had been overreacting to the pull.

But now I understood, it had to have been maddening to sit there at home, fighting every instinct to ease the pain.

Not that I could even do what he did, I hadn't the slightest clue to where she lived.

Looking back, I'm glad I hadn't known. I would have most definitely gone to her.

Michael and Emmett, after they had spent hours teasing and picking at me, finally had died down to more sober moods. They gave helpful advice, encouragements that it would get better over time. Easier.

My situation was unique, as Edward's had been, normally vampires would instantly recognize one another, seeing to the needs and desires of quelling the aching pain in their chest. I couldn't exactly do that, not without risking her life or violating her free will.

That was the last thing I wanted to do.

So, I had to deal with the instincts, the pain.

It was well worth it, I reminded myself. It would be worth it, no matter how long I would have to wait.

Not until she felt it right.

Getting showered and dressed for the day had felt like an impossible chore, I felt like a zombie going through the motions. My mind was distracted, far off from the real world. Thinking about her. What I could possibly do to get to know her.

I put in a great effort to make conversation with my siblings as we rode to school, Renesmee still alight with the same excited energy as she held the day before. And I was grateful for it yet again, her positivity was the perfect cure to my achy-heart blues.

We had left our home at Alice's precise instruction, as she insisted we get there early to ensure we don't miss out on a prime parking spot.

Or, rather, a spot in the middle so that we could scope out the territory, assessing the jungle of student body we were expected to blend in with. It was always good to do so when first arriving, making sure to take into consideration the local customs and human mannerisms.

No two schools were alike.

And these students couldn't be any more different from those at Forks High School.

Never before had I seen a student body act in such a way as these people. There were unspoken rules, traditions. Even down to the places where students parked.

The parking lot was sectioned off into different rectangular groupings, each with different colored spaces. The closer to the school entrance, the higher in grade. Seniors dominated the front lot, parking spaces colored red, which was visible from the blue junior section where we had parked. The green and white spaces in the back were for underclassmen, sophomores and freshmen respectively.

Alice had insisted that we park in the blue section, and I understood why she had, now that we were here. Our position gave a perfect view of the whole lot, and as we stood in a loose circle chatting away about the day ahead, we simultaneously took in the people around us. Listening to their conversations with our superhuman sense of hearing, taking note of their body language and mannerisms.

Most of the conversations were focused, surprise surprise, on us as we made our presence known. Whispers of our looks and gossip came from all around us, eyes darting back and forth between us all. Noting our looks, gossip already spreading of absurd and made-up tales that they heard from their friend who had heard it from their other friend, and so on.

Well, at least that part hadn't changed. It was impossible for them not to talk.

I tried my best at keeping the giant waves of emotions coming from the onlookers at bay, my own overstimulating emotions already taking up most of my focus that they did little to distract me. And for that, at least, I was somewhat thankful.

Of course, the first thing I had done upon exiting the car was looking for the human girl I hadn't been able to stop thinking about. Yet, no matter where I looked or how many cars pulled in to the school, I hadn't found her.

I had spotted the boy she had introduced us to yesterday, _Josh,_ who was propped up on the back of his Silverado's tailgate, a petite blonde and a redheaded girl holding a tray of coffee cups flanked either side of him.

But alas, there was no sign of Catherine.

She wasn't here yet.

After having been there for ten minutes the parking lot had filled up almost completely, hundreds of students broken off into their social groups. I looked at my watch.

Five minutes remained before the bell was to ring.

 _Where was she?_

I tried, but failed horribly, at keeping that thought from worrying me. My instincts once again flaring up.

What if she was sick? Or hurt? Did she wreck on her way here?

Edward gave me a hard nudge, pulling me out of my thoughts, the nagging no doubt annoying him. He gave me a pointed look.

"If you don't stop worrying, you'll end up driving yourself mad and miserable. Trust me, she's fine. Just give it a minute."

His words did little to comfort me, though I appreciated the effort. I sent such feeling his way, not really up for speaking.

Two minutes.

I felt the anxiety even stronger, the feeling irritating me the more I felt it. I hated how helpless this bond made me feel.

But just as I was about to start pacing, a screech of tires was heard from the road. Many turned their heads at the sound to find a cherry red Jaguar all but pulling into the parking lot on two wheels.

The car barely sped down to drive up to the front of the school, its speakers humming from the bass of music blasting inside, before turning in to park in a spot between a pastel yellow Beetle and Josh's shiny silver Chevy Silverado. The driver cut off the car in a hurry, no doubt in a rush to beat the impending bell, cutting off the Fergie song mid-chorus.

I held my breath in anticipation at the reveal of who it could be. Begging whatever gods above held me in their favor that it would be her.

The driver's door flung open, kicked out by a brown flat-clad foot. The person got halfway out, reaching over to the passenger side to pull out a backpack before fully emerging from the car.

I released an audible sigh, it was her.

My entire body relaxed, the rigid stance I hadn't realized I had taken disappearing all at once as my anxiety instantly disappeared, replaced with relief.

I could do nothing but watch from a distance as she was greeted by her friends, going over to the group by Josh's car as she gladly accepted one of the coffee cups from the redheaded girl, the group chatting away amiably.

I eagerly soaked up the positive emotions she emitted, intrigued by how strongly she felt in her happiness at such an early hour in the day. It was fascinating, I had rarely encountered a human who was so in tune with their emotions, the rawness to it was a rare treat. But I felt that this wasn't a rare occurrence for her.

For a moment, I pondered the idea that perhaps the reason I was reading her emotions so clearly and deeply was because of our connection. I made a mental note that it would have to be looked into some more later when I had gotten to know her better.

I really hoped I got to know her better.

That I wouldn't singlehandedly screw this up for all of us.

Suddenly she turned in our direction, her group of friends whispering in hushed tones about our presence - " _Omg Cat did you see them, did you see them?! They're so hot,"_ the blonde girl had squealed at a rapid pace, clapping her petite hands excitedly like a child.

When she finally spotted us in the vast crowd of cars she gave a bright smile and a friendly wave to us all, her eyes instantly falling on Renessmee first, who had just as eagerly waved back. It was as if she were glowing with happiness and excitement at the recognition the human girl had given her.

Her eyes glanced over to me for a moment, her confident smile faltering as it shifted into a bashful one, her cheeks gaining the faintest blush. My own chest filled with a flustered feeling, the emotions I had felt the first time I had seen her returning full force. And I knew, gladly, that they would return each time I laid eyes on her.

The feeling was quickly becoming addictive.

She turned away nearly as soon as she had looked at me, embarrassment creeping into her system at her reaction, her body shifting to face the school beyond her. I frowned slightly at the loss of her gaze, the strong emotions ebbing away into a faint warmth in my chest.

The bell rung loudly ahead, signaling that it was time for classes to begin.

There was movement all around us, as students locked up their cars and gathered their things, slowly making their way to the school doors.

My siblings and I spared each other quick words of well-wishing and good luck before easing towards the large main building up ahead, taking care to put a distance between ourselves and the clumps of students shuffling about in their small groups.

Renesmee strode up to walk alongside me, leading the way, her long wavy hair bouncing with each of her eager steps. It brought a small smile to my face, and I allowed myself to indulge in her happiness, the feeling calming my own of anxiousness once again.

She turned around to her mother and father, who were both right on her heels, giving them a big and excited smile. Not a single one of our faces were free from a grin or smile, each proud of how grown she had gotten, finally able to do the very thing she had dreamed of for years.

As we entered the main building, students parted like the Red Sea, many unabashedly staring at the new kids. Suddenly, the smiles we had worn were gone, replaced with the neutral looks of indifference we had become so accustomed to. I could feel the surge of delight at the attention rolling off of Rosalie, Emmett feeling his own sense of confidence as the passing teenagers cowered at his impossible size.

I did my best to continue focusing on Renesmee's emotions, her positivity doing a pretty good job at blocking out the waves of emotions pouring off of the humans around us. Admiration, envy, curiosity, and above all- lust.

It took me a solid moment to gather myself, adapting to the new environment around me as I had done hundreds of times before.

It was usually easiest to focus on a single emotion, one that was relatively positive, to keep the onslaught of others at bay.

I did my best to subtly scan the halls for Catherine or one of her friends, knowing she couldn't be far behind them. I already craved the feelings that overtook me when she was present.

As a few of us rounded the corner, our group had split up as those of us who were juniors had the first period on the opposite side of the building, I was pleasantly surprised to see her standing outside the English classroom, our first shared class of the day.

She leaned against the tall wall of red lockers behind her, her posture relaxed as she spent the last few moments before the bell chatting away amiably with another student, the same redheaded girl from this morning. Both taking sips from the coffee mugs they held, soaking up the last few moments of freedom before school would consume them.

As Rosalie, Renesmee, and I neared she turned in our direction, having noticed our presence. She gave us all a beaming smile, and I suddenly felt as if I would explode. I internally cringed at the fact.

 _Keep your cool, idiot._

"Hey, you guys! I hope your morning has been well, excited for the first day?" she asked happily, her eyes filled with the same kindness they had held the day before. She spared a glance at each of us, talking to us collectively, though when she looked in my direction she held her gaze a moment longer.

The redhead had turned to look at the newcomers who had interrupted her conversation, the scowl on her face in her irritation freezing the second she noticed who it was that had shifted the conversation from herself. The irritation immediately turned into a cocktail of embarrassment and amazement, her grey eyes blown wide as she took in our looks.

We were much more intimidating up close, she realized. Gone was the excited girl that had chatted away in awe of our looks in the parking lot only minutes before, now acting as though she were a fish out of the water, mouth gasping for air.

Without a moment to get a greeting in, she took off down the hall, her head tucked down towards the black and white tiled floors, towards her own class. Catherine could only blink in confusion at her friend's sudden takeoff, an introduction dying on her lips. She cleared her throat, shaking her head at the odd reaction, before once again giving us a small smile as if in apology for her friend's odd behavior. She gave a shrug of her shoulders as if she herself didn't get the same weary sense that most humans felt when in close quarters with our kind.

"That was my friend Hannah, I, uh, guess I'll have to introduce you guys to her later," she said, her tone heavy in her confusion, "Well, anyways, we probably should get inside anyway, Mrs. Lang doesn't really tolerate tardiness."

Indeed, the bell was only moments from ringing for the final time, and without another word, we followed her into the classroom to take our seats.

Catherine strode over to the far-right side of the room, where an empty desk in front of Josh awaited her. She slid into the desk with ease, sparking up small talk with him and the person on her right, who no doubt was another friend of hers.

I had to force the impending ill emotions down, swallowing them whole as I led my two siblings to the three free seats at the very back of the room, on the complete opposite side from where she sat.

 _It's just a class, get over it. At least you're in the same room together._

For the next fifty minutes, as I only half listened to the middle-aged teacher's lecture on _Crime and Punishment_ , I battled with myself.

What on Earth was I going to do to build a connection with her, let alone a relationship, if I couldn't manage to speak to her?

I only hoped that Alice had some of her usual tricks up her sleeves because I knew there was no way I could do this alone.

 _Of course, you won't do it alone,_ I reminded myself.

I had a family, a _real_ family. One that I knew would help me through this as I had helped them. One that cared.

Alice was adamant on gaining yet another sister, her closet already filling up with items she had bought just for this move. Saying the things were for all of the wonderful times they would have together.

I translated that as all the fun times _she_ would have as her "new sister" put up with her games of dress up.

The recollection of those memories lightened my mood, bringing me out of the spiraling worry that had threatened to consume me.

By the time the class had wrapped up and the bell had rung yet again, my mood had been lifted.

Renesmee reached over to gently touch my hand, her way of sharing her thoughts that were so similar yet different from her father's gift.

A flash of her memories from the past hour of sitting in class filled my head.

 _Renesmee was writing down notes from Mrs. Lang's lecture, soaking up each word like a sponge, eager to learn. She felt as though she could fly, she felt so weightless and happy at finally being here. Her dreams had finally come true._

 _It had been impossible not to steal glances around the room, studying the behavior of the humans she had been so sparsely exposed to before now. Naturally, her eyes floated over to the edge of the room, to where Catherine sat. The girl had been so kind, the excitement Renesmee felt grew once again as she thought about the fact of just who this human was to her family. Who she would be._

 _She noted the outfit Catherine wore, an army green button-down shirt was worn open over a white flowy top with dark-washed denim jeans, and it pleased her to see that she was of a similar fashion taste. No matter how hard her Aunt Alice tried to get her to dress up in frilly blouses or dresses, she took after her mom in that department._

 _How amazing would it be to take Catherine on a shopping trip one day? Oh, she had to tell Aunt Alice to make plans!_

 _She couldn't help the number of times she had glanced in Catherine's way, especially after she had caught Catherine looking across the room, too. Stealing glances at none other than... Jasper._

 _Renesmee kept a tally from then on out, a corner of her notebook paper quickly filling up with her doodled lines as she counted before the bell rang._

 _Twelve times... surely that meant something, right?_

 _Oh, she had to tell Jasper!_

The shared memory came to an end as Renesmee pulled her hand away as she stood, gathering her books quickly as the other students started shuffling towards the door eagerly.

As if she hadn't just literally transmitted part of her own consciousness into the mind of another. The humans were none the wiser.

Resurfacing from the memory took a moment, and I barely registered the commotion around me. Trying to decide if I should let myself read into the discovery my niece had made.

Renesmee's spying meant nothing, I rationalized. It was simply exciting for her to be around humans for the first time. Of course, she would read into every little thing the girl did. The looks meant nothing.

Right?

* * *

 **Catherine POV**

Of all the mornings I had to have been running late for school, it just _had_ to be this one.

It started when I slept through my alarm, the night before had been filled with restless sleep yet again. My worries and fears surrounding my recent nightmares had deterred me from finding peace easily.

Once I realized I had snoozed the clock one too many times, I was already forty-five minutes behind on my morning routine.

I thanked the Lord in heaven above that I had already laid out my outfit for the day the night before, using the extra few minutes to throw on concealer and the lightest coat of mascara to try and hid the puffy bags that had formed under my tired eyes.

There had been no time to fix my hair, however, as I had to settle for a messy bun since I couldn't take the time to straighten my unruly hair.

The twins had been waiting for me at the side door that led to the garage, and could only offer a quick grumble of a goodbye to my mother in my frazzled state. I eagerly took the half-eaten Nutri-Grain bar Drew offered me when he noticed that I was definitely _not_ in the mood to scramble around to find my own breakfast.

And perhaps to make up for yesterday, his eye still swollen and pink from the hit he had taken. The reminder only added to my stress as I slung open the garage door hurriedly, fiddling with my keys.

As we piled into my car, tossing my backpack into the passenger seat and shoving the strawberry tart into my mouth, I didn't spare a moment to wait for the twins to buckle up before high-tailing it out of the garage and speeding down the long drive.

Discarding the breakfast bar wrapper into one of the empty cup holders a minute later as I sped down the highway, I turned up the radio to try and calm my nerves.

I was supposed to have gotten up over an hour ago. _Now look at me, I was a mess!_

I kept stealing glances at myself in the rearview mirror, fidgeting with the strands of hair that had fallen around my face. I frowned, the updo I had thrown my hair into was the complete opposite of what I had planned.

The worry set me on edge, why did I even care? I never cared about these things.

The sensation of embarrassment at my actions crept into my mind as I admitted to myself why I was acting this way.

The new kids. The Cullens.

I had gone over my interactions with them the night before a hundred times, and I knew I had looked a little too deeply into their behaviors.

Why did I care so much about what they thought?

Again, the answer was already known, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. The image of a certain handsome face crept into my mind.

 _So, what, if he doesn't like the way you look? He's just a stupid boy._ I scolded myself at my ridiculous behavior, shaking the images of the too-perfect family out of my mind.

I was right, it was stupid and dumb the more I rationalized it. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't impress them, I had no reason to. If Jasper Hale didn't find me to be worth noticing, then it was his loss.

I wasn't going to sacrifice my self-confidence for the affection of some silly crush, I had much bigger fish to fry. I never let boys get in the way of what I wanted before, why start now?

As I skidded to a halt in front of the middle school, the twins taking less than ten seconds to collect their things and jump out, I cranked up the music. My confidence soared, a smile finally taking over my face at the pep talk I had given myself on the drive here.

Fergalicious blared through the speakers as I arrived at the high school, throwing the car into park with a grin at my much lighter mood.

I would be myself, do the things I normally would do. If something happened with this new mystery boy, then great, I would pursue it. But if not, I realized that it would be okay, too.

The confidence surge I had experienced that morning had carried with me all through my first three periods of the day, my mood chipper as I packed my things up from the table I had been studying at in the main office.

The third period was my free period, or rather, it was the time I spent working in the main office with Ms. Hawthorne. When it was busy I spent the time shredding paper and organizing files until the bell would ring.

I thought back on how great my morning had been, having been thrilled to share my first two classes with Renesmee Cullen, who had been just as friendly as the day before.

So, I hadn't read too much into her introduction on the tour.

It made my chest swell in delight that I was well on my way to making a new friend. We had hit it off effortlessly after first period when I offered to walk with her to AP Government, our animated conversation only ending when Ms. Cox stared her lecture, shutting both of us up.

I had a gut feeling that it was the start of something great, especially after seeing her reaction to me telling her about the Homecoming committee, her eyes lighting up when I extended an invitation to her to join us at the next meeting.

I knew I would have to mention it to Alice as well when sixth period rolled around.

The bell rang, and as I slowly made my way out of the main office, I had to force my feet to move forward.

Fourth period was perhaps my least favorite class of the day.

Calculus.

I wasn't even sure why I had been put in the class in the first place. Well, I mean obviously I knew why, it was required, but I really shouldn't have been.

In my mind, math was the devil's worst creation. It didn't make a lick of sense to me, and calculus was no different.

The halls were unusually filled with chatter today, and it took very few guesses to figure out why; the glances spared in my direction as I made my way down the long corridors to my class made my confidence waiver.

Never had a group of new students create such a stir as the Cullens had. But who could be surprised? They were like gods among men, completely perfect in every physical way.

What business did they even have being stuck attending high school in some backwoods southern town, when they could have just as easily been walking the catwalks of designer fashion shows?

 _Oh, God, did I look as silly as all the girls this morning when I look at them?_ I thought, horrified at the possibility as I thought back to the way Hannah had acted when she first saw them up close. These kids left people fawning in their wake, girls and boys alike.

An even worse thought entered my mind - Did I do that around Jasper?

I forced myself to clear my mind of the thoughts centering around the perfect family- the most perfect guy I had ever seen- replacing the uneasy frown on my face with a look of calm contentment, smiling at the familiar faces I passed by as if I was fine. Unfazed.

I most certainly was not.

Especially not when I rounded the corner to where Mr. Torres's classroom was, finding that the handsome blond boy that clouded my mind was standing just outside the room, chatting with his brother, Emmett.

I had completely forgotten I shared this class with him.

Upon my arrival, he glanced over, a small smirk on his lips as he noticed me approaching.

I managed a small smile of my own, praying that the embarrassing blush that plagued me when I saw him wasn't making yet another appearance.

I didn't count on that hope, though, as I felt the familiar warmth rush to my cheeks.

The mountain of a guy that was Emmett Cullen turned around to greet me as well, his eyes alight with a gleam of something mischievous and a grin spread wide across his pale face. I could only offer a small smile of my own to him as I tried to get my mind out of the gutter.

 _Confidence, Cat! Confidence!_

I forced down the bashful feelings that these people caused, swallowing down my embarrassment with it, allowing the confidence I normally so easily commanded to come forward. Blanketing my suppressed feelings like a band-aid.

The look on Jasper's face was complex, his eyes holding so much within them I couldn't pinpoint what he possibly could be thinking. Once he had made eye contact, he hadn't broken it a single time, his eyes never leaving my face. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Hey, guys," I said, internally cringing at the tightness in my throat. God, I wanted to kick myself. "How's your first day going so far?"

Jasper gave a small nod, a small polite smile on his face, opening his mouth to respond only to be beaten to the chase by his brother.

"It's been pretty great, I can't complain," Emmett said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, "the looks of surprise never get old. I've already been approached five different times about joining sports teams. I feel pretty bad that they just aren't my thing."

I seriously doubted that, but we both laughed at his words anyway. I had no doubt that he had been approached, especially by the various coaches the school had on staff. If there was one thing schools around here cared about, it was sports.

Where else in the world would you find that the school district put more resources into sports equipment than they did on new academic materials?

"Well, just wait until lunch," I said, not bothering to hide the humor in my voice, "when Coach Bullock sees you barge through the doors of the cafeteria, he's going to shit himself."

All three of us laughed that time, and it tickled my ears to hear the deep and velvety sound that came from Jasper's lips. I looked at him expectantly then, wanting to hear about his morning, doing my best to keep down the sheepish smile my body instinctually wanted to give him when I met his gaze.

"Nothing to complain about," he began, and I fought to keep my mind from turning into putty at the pleasing sound of his voice, instead, focusing on hanging onto his every word. I reveled in the wonderful sound, his voice soft and slow like honey. Whether or not he could tell how it made me feel, he didn't show it, as he continued, "we move quite often, so the experience is usually the same. Everyone has been quite nice so far."

I blinked, then blinked again, horrified when I noticed he had stopped talking moments ago, and I was just standing there like an idiot.

Emmett hardly tried to hide the knowing smirk on his face at my reaction, or rather, lack thereof. I wanted to die.

I cleared my throat, quickly trying to gather myself as if _that_ didn't just happen. I gave them both a smile and shrug of my shoulders.

"Well, that's great, you guys. I hope the rest of the day treats you just as well," I nodded to myself, almost as if confirming that I had indeed said the right thing. I had never been left so speechless.

 _God, I was acting like all the other girls! What must they think of me? This is so humiliating._

I glanced around, noting that the halls were quickly clearing, a sign that class would be starting any minute. I dared a glance back at the pair, my eyes bravely shifting to the blond.

"Ready for calculus?" I asked, hating the way my voice wavered at the end, the sudden shyness making me regret even being alive. I wanted to dig a hole and go fall in it.

At his nod, I said a quick farewell to Emmett before making my way into the classroom, Jasper hot on my heels.

Mr. Torres was perhaps one of the worst teachers I had ever had at Lakewood, his tone monotonous and droning on each lecture like they would last an eternity. It made trying to pay attention and understand the work much harder than it already was.

I had given up any hope of ever being good at calculus, forgoing my usual efforts to always sit near the front of the room. None of my close friends were in this class- they had all gotten accepted into the AP section of the course- so I sat in the very back.

It should have been no surprise to me that Jasper would have been directed to sit in one of the empty seats by me, but as he made his way through the cramped desks, I had to avert my eyes at the sight to prevent myself from practically drooling like an idiot.

 _Why was he so freaking perfect?_

Again, I didn't have an answer.

He eased his way into the desk to my left, his posture suddenly going stiff and rigid. His calm face had taken a grimace, his eyes narrowed as if in pain, a frown marring his perfect lips.

The sudden shift in his demeanor from a relaxed cool cat to that of someone who had just had ice thrown down their back was odd. I furrowed my brows at the action, quickly turning my head to the other direction before he saw me staring.

Was he okay?

I couldn't help the curiosity as it overtook me, looking back to him again, my expression free of any emotion should he notice. I attempted to make small talk, wondering if perhaps he was simply nervous.

Maybe he hated math as much as I did.

Of course, that had to be it.

"Math is my worst subject," I offered, trying to start up a conversation, putting on my best brave face. He looked to me, his face free of any emotion, and for a moment I worried I misstepped. But his expression didn't change from the odd look, his face relaxing a bit, though the change didn't quite meet his eyes.

His intense gaze made me hesitate in my words, unable to pull my mind from the gutter for a moment before I continued.

"I gave up trying to make a decent grade after my third day in this class, so I just kind of do my own thing. Which is horrible, I know, but it's not like I'm trying to grow up to be Einstein or something."

I laughed a bit at my words, somewhat nervous, hoping I wasn't just putting a foot in my mouth.

He looked like I had burned him or something. He didn't say anything back before Mr. Torres closed the classroom door with a thud, signaling that he expected complete silence for the next hour.

I grimaced a bit but worked quickly to hide it, turning my attention to the front of the room. It was hard not to fidget in my seat as I felt Jasper's look linger on me a moment longer.

As the class droned on, Mr. Torres passing out worksheets that were supposed to be finished by the end of class, I could barely concentrate on at least trying to do some of the work. My mind was too occupied trying to sort through my emotions.

I felt like such an idiot. My worst fears were confirmed, I was acting just like all the other girls who were fawning over the attractive new kid.

Where did the confident and unbothered Catherine I had so comfortably been all the years vanish to?

It made me embarrassed at first, but the longer I let myself think on it, the quicker that humiliation turned into irritation.

The pep talk I had with myself that morning came back to my mind, and I did my best to reiterate the points to myself. That it meant nothing if Jasper didn't take to being my friend, let alone anything else. He owed me absolutely nothing, nor I to him.

I had simply never had a crush, a true one, in my life. I knew nothing about this guy, about his interests. I was merely infatuated by his looks.

I didn't bother trying to answer the last three questions on the assignment, circling random answers since my mind was occupied with other things.

 _I don't need the approval or attention from a guy to make me happy._ I repeated the mantra in my head over and over, until I started to truly believe it.

I was tough, a fighter, I never let drama and the opinions of others get me down. I wouldn't start now.

By the end of the class, the irritation had turned into complete indifference.

I didn't hesitate when the bell rang, dismissing the class, throwing my bag over my shoulder as I weaved through the crowd towards the cafeteria. Forcing my mind to remain free of any personal assumptions and impressions of the Cullens.

I knew I would have to sit through the entire lunch period listening to my friends' gossip and go on and on about them, and I didn't want my personal confliction over the hot blond to make things worse. The last person I needed to know that I not only had a crush for the first time in my life but had managed to sink that ship within only a matter seconds, was Anna Claire.

Or Josh. God, he would flip.

I would never be able to live it down.

So as I approached my usual table after grabbing a few things from the food line, the group having just getting seated in their normal places, was already buzzing with commotion. Chaos was sure to ensue.

I fiddled with saran wrapped peanut butter sandwich I had grabbed, my appetite slowly resurfacing, trying to catch up to pace with what the current conversation was about.

Apparently, Anna Claire was in second period with Emmett Cullen. The fact had rocked her world. Quite literally, she was shaking with her excitement as she told the story - which really wasn't much more than just seeing him walk through the door- the event seemingly life-changing to her.

"And I, like, swear to God, if I ever get the chance I'm going to climb that boy like a _tree,"_ she said, her hot-pink tipped fingers splayed out before her on the table. The look on her face was comical, clearly, she was swooning. Eyes wild.

Frankie and Hannah were listening intently, clinging onto every word as if it were the gospel. I rolled my eyes at the theatrics.

"But it's, like, whatever you know," she continued, shrugging her shoulders, "he clearly has a thing with his sister, the snooty blonde chick. Who is _gorgeous_ by the way, but like come on, would it kill you to at least _try_ to be nice."

It was painfully obvious how hard Anna Claire had taken being turned away by Rosalie, and I sympathized a bit. Maybe it was just the twins who had the sticks up their butts?

I shook away the thought, not wanting to break the promise to myself- I was from here on out banned from thinking about Jasper freaking Hale. He wasn't going to throw me off my game. Not when I had so many other things to focus on.

But as the double doors to the front of the cafeteria blew open, I all but threw that promise out the window.

All eyes were glued to the scene ahead of us as eight of the most gorgeous beings in the world strode into the room.

It felt good to know that I wasn't crazy, as I managed to break my gaze away from the family, looking to the reactions of everyone in the room.

They saw it, too.

I didn't dare let my gaze settle on the one that called to me the most, to see his face yet again. If he held the same disinterested look for others, or if it had just been towards me.

I really didn't want to know the answer to that, I didn't think I could take it.

As the family settled into an empty table on the right side of the room, the cafeteria slowly began to buzz with life again.

It was as if Anna Claire was practically vibrating in her enthralled state. I would have pitied her a bit if I knew she wasn't like this often, but she was. Her attention was always stolen by a new hot guy every week. Falling just as hard each time before she grew bored and moved on to the next.

I wondered how fast she would move on from the beautiful Cullen boys.

I had an inkling of suspicion that it wouldn't be anytime soon.

I was pulled out of my musing by the call of my voice from across the table, Josh looking at me expectantly, waiting for a response to the question I hadn't heard. I cleared my throat, asking him to repeat himself.

He gave me a curious look before doing so, " I said, Cat, do you want any help running drills after school? Troy, Natalie, and I are going to the practice field around three o'clock if you want to join."

I smiled at the offer, noting the look on Natalie's face that said _please come so I don't have to suffer alone with those two idiots,_ before agreeing that I would go. Natalie gave a little fist pump in victory, to which I couldn't help but laugh a bit. My mood was slowly improving.

My moment away from hearing or thinking about the Cullens was short-lived, however, as Hannah took this as her opportunity to bombard me with a slew of questions about the family.

I could only manage to blink a few times as she listed them off at rapid speed, Frankie and Anna Claire butting interjecting a few times to ask their own burning questions. As if I would have the answers.

I shook my head, eyes wide in my daze as I tried to process them all, more often than not coming up short for an answer. It was as if they expected me to know every little detail about the family because I had shown them around when in reality, I knew next to nothing.

Only that Renesmee and I both loved movies by John Hughes and Wes Anderson, she loved to shop, and she could play the piano pretty well. Oh, and that I was pretty sure Jasper found me annoying or stuck up, probably both. I honestly wasn't quite sure yet.

But I kept that last bit to myself.

"I'm sorry guys, but I'm pretty much just as clueless as you. I only met them yesterday. Renesmee and Alice are super nice, but that's really all I have."

Anna Claire eyed me closely, trying to find any hint of deception on my face. Finding none, of course, she relented.

I could sense that there was another question forming on her sparkly glossed lips, but she was prevented from saying a word when Pri suddenly spoke, her attention peeled away from Natalie to the table across the room that I had been so eagerly avoiding.

"Um, hey guys, check it out. Looks like they aren't that perfect after all."

At that, I finally looked over to the family in question, to find a scene I was deeply troubled by.

At first glance, it wouldn't seem like anything was amiss, that something was off.

But as I watched, looked closer, I noticed the way their bodies were angled, heads huddled in over their trays of food- which were untouched, now that I started taking in details- unpleasant looks on their faces as they talked in hushed tones.

Even Renesmee looked bothered, her body positioned in my clearest line of view, a small frown and look of- was that disappointment or sadness?- something marring her usually bright face.

I frowned, noticing that it seemed they were having an argument of some kind, Alice and Edward seeming to be the two leaders in the argument, their mouths moving the fastest, hastiest, their faces short of something almost feral as they glared at one another from across the table.

I instantly looked away, feeling guilty for prying on the moment. It was none of my business, the problems of their family were none of my business.

Jasper Hale was _certainly_ none of my business.

Without sparing another thought, the room suddenly becoming too crowded- the walls, were they getting closer?- I didn't ignore the pressure growing in my chest as I abruptly gathered my things and rose from the table. I barely managed to scramble together a soft excuse of my absence, spinning the small lie that I had forgotten my gym bag in the office and I needed to get it before the fifth period started, then all but dashing for the door without waiting for a response from anyone.

My cheeks burned as I exited the building, the sudden rush from the crisp, cold air of the cafeteria mingled with the humid, warm air outside.

I pushed my feet in front of the other, not stopping for anything as I made my way down the covered sidewalk and out to the field house.

Coach wouldn't be here for another fifteen, twenty minutes? I guessed, throwing myself down on the threadbare sofa in the main lounge, where I had spent so many class periods and after-school practices running through game plans and going over progress cards.

The silence of the air around me in the metal building was deafening, and I welcomed it gladly.

Away from the hushed voices, the gossip, the questions.

Finally, I found peace.

I decided right then that I was done trying to play hostess, which was dumb in the first place. I owed the Cullens nothing. They owed me nothing. I shouldn't have cared so much.

But I couldn't help just how quickly I had gotten caught up in their beauty, the mystery.

But no more would I explore it, not on my own.

If they wanted a friend, they would have to come and make one.

* * *

 **Jasper POV**

I had only settled into my seat, the tray filled with food that smelt like dirt just barely touching the table when the dam broke and everything fell apart.

"I cannot _believe_ you!" came the shrill voice beside me, ringing in my ear, loud and hushed all at the same time. " _What_ were you thinking? How many times did we go over this, it was all going so perfect! _Why?"_

The questions rang through the air like a leaf on the wind, yet never landing on an answer. I had none to offer.

I felt numb, completely numb yet full of emotion. Feeling every single one at the highest intensity.

Anger, sadness, disappointment, worry, fear.

Yet it made me numb.

I didn't flinch when Alice asked again, her questions going unanswered a second time.

Eyes darted around the table, between us, between lovers in concern at what possibly could have happened. Each assuming the worst.

What _had_ happened, anyway?

It had been so fast, I hadn't even been able to think to stop myself before it happened. Before I reacted.

She smelt _so_ good.

I hadn't expected it, not when I had breathed in, without thinking. Without taking into consideration the consequences.

But she had been right there, so close. It had been too tempting, she was too tempting.

I had been too confident. The ease her emotions had put me in took away my usual edge, the cool calculating thoughts I so commonly operated with.

I had forgotten it all, the weakness I had always struggled with, feeling invincible in her presence.

There was one job I was supposed to do, one so easy and simple, and I had failed to do it within a minute of being alone with her.

 _Whatever you do, don't breathe. Not yet, not when she's so close and it's the first time._ Alice had warned, warned me a million times.

But had smelt _so_ good, though.

I had dug my fingers into the small wooden desk so hard it was a miracle it hadn't broken at the force. She looked hurt and rejected when I didn't respond to her small talk, and it killed me inside that I couldn't quell her worries when I didn't respond. I couldn't, not if I wanted to keep her safe.

It was all that could keep me from following my instincts.

What if I had?

"But you didn't, Jasper. You _didn't,"_ came a calm voice from across the table, Edward's gaze even and eerily calm as he forced me to meet his gaze as he repeated himself, answering my unspoken confessions, "You didn't act on your instincts. You stayed put. This isn't a loss, it's a win. You overcame the urge to follow what your body told you. That's all that matters, _right_ Alice?." He said pointedly.

A bitter wave of emotion curled around my throat at his words, and I looked away in disgust at myself. How my body had betrayed me.

I would never forget the pang of rejection Catherine had felt at my reaction, the guilt and sorrow I felt for making her think of me in such a negative way broke something inside of me. I had hurt her so badly, and I hated myself for it.

Alice was a tiny ball of pure irritation and fury at Edward's words, and I felt another pang of guilt at the fact that I had ruined her carefully calculated plans.

All of this had been for me, all of the sacrifices they had made to move to this town. And I ruined it all within half a day of being here, what a disappointment I was.

"Of course, Jasper, you did what you could in the situation," Alice bit out, her anger simmering a bit as she genuinely tried to lessen the blow, and it did little to reassure. All it did was fuel the numbness further. She glared at Edward.

" _But_ , the fact remains. Our plans have been completely derailed. The future is completely different now. I can't see anything to use to our advantage."

I felt such grief for her, at the sadness she felt, the failure she must have thought she was. That she couldn't make her visions work out.

She had wanted this so badly, she and Michael had been my strongest supporters through my life with the Cullens. Yet here I was, letting them down.

This was a mistake.

Edward let out a low growl at my thoughts, and I didn't bother with a reaction. My eyes never left the table.

Rosalie huffed, her arms crossed in distaste. I focused in on her emotions, believing that I deserved all of it. That she had told me so.

Most of all, I hated how hard I had let Renesmee down. So much was on the line for her with this move.

I had blown it for her.

Alice slammed her hands down on the table, the action sending each of the other six vampires at the table into action, their instincts flaring to life at the negative reaction.

Alice was fuming, she leaned in, whispering venomously, each word gitted out as she glared.

"I am trying _so_ hard to figure this out, if you all will _please,_ for the love of all that is good just _stop! Stop_ thinking so loud, all of you! No one is leaving, we aren't going anywhere. This isn't finished. We are _far_ from finished. There is a way, there _has_ to be."

Everyone shut up then, yet no one moved from their position as they watched Alice, paying close attention to her every action as her eyes clouded over. Drifting into another realm.

There was a flurry of hope that flowed through the others, hoping that she would see something good.

I only reveled in my pain.

I picked up on Alice's disappointment before she reemerged from the vision, a frown settling in as she fully became aware once more.

Faces fell around the table.

Renesmee, bless her, still perked up. Forever hopeful. She fired idea after idea to Alice, only to be met with a short vision and sorry shake of the head.

Suddenly there was a tenseness in the air, one that was outside this table, and I was instantly aware of it. Especially when I realized the emotions were stronger than any other I could pick up, and I recognized it as Catherine.

She had been watching.

I couldn't help the wave of crippling guilt and shame wash over me as I focused on her, the emotions she was feeling.

I had made her doubt herself. Someone who was so confident, kind.

She deserved so much better.

And it seemed she had recognized that herself, as she rose from her table abruptly, barely getting a word out through her emotional state before rushing out of the cafeteria.

Gone were the looks of irritation and sadness from my siblings, each watching her leave in worry. _Should someone go after her?_ They all seemed to think.

I wouldn't dare do that to her.

She deserved so much more.

That thought earned me a kick in the shins by Edward, which earned him a growl of warning.

I was done hurting her. Perhaps it was for the best that this happened.

That I had deterred her so badly.

We sat in silence for the rest of the lunch period, not a single soul looking up from their trays of food, pushing around the piles of gunk in circles.

The bell was just about to ring when Alice was pulled into another vision.

I braced myself for another onslaught of negative emotions, ready to berate myself again.

But a surge of happiness grew so strongly within her I had to shrink back in my seat at the intensity of it. I hadn't expected it, no one had as they looked at her bouncing form, face giddy and bright with a smile. So opposite of the saddened look from before.

As the clouds parted from her vision she gave Renesmee the most wicked and cunning grins I had ever seen her wear.

Her emotions almost scared me.

I wasn't prepared for her next words.

"What do you say to a shopping trip next weekend?"


	5. Weird Science

Chapter Five:

 **Weird Science**

* * *

My entire body ached the next morning, the pain throbbing from my shoulders all the way down to my toes.

I had stayed out late the night before, running up and down the practice field with Josh and the others as we scrimmaged and fooled around.

It quickly turned into just fooling around.

We would push and shove, playing far outside the proper rules of the game. Thrilled to be back in our elements, all the energy we'd pent up over the summer break finally getting released, we didn't hold back.

It was one thing to play rough with my siblings- growing up in a house full of boys meant I had been tackled, wrestled with, and roughhoused more times than I could count.

I was a tough cookie, as Alex would always call me when he'd tackle me on the living room floor, but last night we had taken it a bit far.

In particular, it had been too far when I dove across the field to trip Josh, who hadn't anticipated the move, which sent him tumbling down atop me.

The breath had been knocked out of the both of us at the impact, yet laughter had quickly followed. It hadn't hurt a fraction as bad the moment it happened.

I sure as hell wasn't laughing now.

Now, as I sat up in bed to turn off my alarm, my entire upper body screaming in protest. Joints popping sharply at the movements.

I groaned, a yawn quickly following as I fumbled for the snooze button. I put my hand over my eyes, shielding them from the bright sun that shown through the bay window.

The sore state of my body made my movements slower that morning as I went about getting dressed and ready for the day.

Thankfully the twins had gotten up on time as well, meaning I didn't have to drive like a bat out of hell to make it to school on time. I took my time, my arms throbbing slightly whenever I'd turn the wheel.

My slowed movements getting out of the car and up to the front of the school had earned me several laughs from my friends, who stood huddled around, snickering at me.

Troy thought himself to be quite the jokester when he taunted that his grandmother walked faster than me.

Josh had mimicked my slow walk, clutching his back and pretending to use a cane to walk. By the time lunch rolled around everyone had taken on to the joke.

Even as the bell rang, signaling lunch was over, they were all still calling me Granny.

I couldn't help but laugh along, even though every chuckle made my chest ache.

Other than the physical discomfort, I was in a chipper mood that day. It was a welcomed change from the day before.

After storming out of the cafeteria and sulking in the fieldhouse, where I had somewhat cooled down, chemistry lab had lit the fire under me once more.

It was the class I shared with not just one of the Cullen children, but three of them.

I had no problem with being in the class with Alice and Renesmee, the two sisters were by far my favorite of the new kids, having taken to them quickly with their easy conversations and common interests.

But Jasper was with them, too.

It was part of the reason why I had overdone it after school, eager to let out my frustrations on something other than torturing myself with my thoughts at what had happened in the lab.

The class was held in what the student body had dubbed the annex, a tiny building off to the side of the cafeteria that held only science laboratories. Small tables with sinks scattered each room, where groups of four were assigned to work on projects together for the term.

I was partnered with three other students already, our teacher, Mr. Turner, had assigned groups on the first day of class. I was relieved at the fact, as it meant I wouldn't have to interact with the new additions.

Yet, as fate would have it, Mr. Turner decided to change the seating chart.

Apparently, grades were at an all-time low, which he said was due to the fact that the groups were unevenly balanced based on individual performance.

As he went through the new chart, revealing I would be in a group with Alice, I was fine. One wasn't so bad, and I liked the girl.

When he called Renesmee's name for the same group, I was okay with that, too. How bad could that be? Surely he wouldn't stick all three of them with me.

I think I was cursed.

All three of the Cullen children ended up in my new group.

I wanted the ground to swallow me up as the class shifted around awkwardly, finding their new tables and partners. Alice had practically glided over to our new table in the back of the room, a bit too much pep in her step as she greeted me happily. Renesmee had done the same, unable to hide the happy smile on her face.

I had smiled back, truly happy to see them both, yet my mind had been occupied with watching the straggler of the bunch as he slowly made his way over.

Slight pride was the emotion I felt at how well I thought I did in hiding my inner struggles with him being so close, the interaction with him that morning still stinging my ego. He was civil, though, the discomfort he had shown that morning in calculus was the opposite of how he acted then, and I wondered if it was all an act for his sisters.

I was as polite as possible, though I silently thanked God he was at the opposite end of the table from me, Renesmee and Alice taking up the middle ground as they chatted away happily as if there wasn't any tension whatsoever.

If my presence bothered him then, too, he did well to hide it. The class had ended without a single word being passed between the two of us.

I might have imagined the soccer ball as his stupidly gorgeous face as I kicked it time and time again into Troy's awaiting goal that night.

This morning had been different, though. I had steeled myself against the wayward emotions I had felt the day before and hadn't given so much as a glance in his direction in first period, only giving pause to greet Renesmee warmly when she strode in the room.

Calculus followed the same, as did lunch, getting so caught up in the practical roast Troy and the others were making of Josh and I that I nearly forgot they had existed. Only at Anna Claire's ever persistent naughty comments about the Cullen boys did I think about him, fighting the urge to steal a glance at their table. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for resisting.

I hoped chemistry would follow the same successful pattern, relying on Alice and Renesmee putting a distance between the two of us.

I arrived to class first, sitting on the far left side, my notes and textbook already out at the ready for class to begin. Melanie, who shared the class with me, had walked with me from our lockers, the two of us chatting away as we waited for the class to start.

We were discussing the upcoming meeting for the homecoming committee when the beautiful siblings arrived, the entire class lighting up considerably as they didn't bother hiding their curious stares at the new kids. I held strong, not daring to break my streak, suggesting we have the meeting before class one day before school at the local diner.

It didn't go unnoticed that Melanie was only half listening as they approached the table, her body language shifting to something more flattering as she leaned against the front of the table, adjusting the perfect ringlets of her dark hair. She gave a dazzling smile of her own as she greeted the two Cullen girls, her eyes widening in interest.

Renesmee gave her a smile, introducing herself excitedly as she sat her books on the table.

I interjected, remembering the promise I had made to Renesmee about her joining the committee.

"Oh yeah, Mel, Renesmee is the girl I told you about wanting to help out with planning. Their last school didn't go all out for homecoming like we do here," I said, a small smile forming on my face as Renesmee's eyes lit up in excitement at my words. She nodded enthusiastically.

Alice settled into the seat beside me, placing her pink notebook next to mine. I did well to act like I didn't notice Jasper approach, sliding into the seat on the other side of Renesmee without a sound.

Melanie glowed at the idea, "That would be a great idea, Cat. No one does it quite like we do here in the south!"

She gave Renesmee her number, and even extended an invite to Alice, too, if she wanted to come to the next meeting. The bell rang just as she walked to her seat across the room, and we settled into silence as Mr. Turner turned off the overhead lights, an old projector flickering to life at the front of the room.

We took notes for a good portion of the class, and I admit it was hard not to steal glances over at Alice's notebook as we wrote, her handwriting was like something from one of those professionally done wedding invitations we sometimes got in the mail.

My own notes looked like chicken scratch in comparison, and I ashamedly tried to block her from seeing with my arm propped on the tabletop.

I thought I was getting away with another successful class period of avoiding the boy across from me, but about ten minutes before the end of class, Mr. Turner took out a black top hat from behind his desk.

My heart sank as I realized where this was going.

"It's time we pick our final project topics," he said in that nasally tone of his, walking around to each table with the hat, a brave student from each reaching in to pull out a folded slip of paper.

"Each group will be giving a ten-minute presentation on the topic that is drawn, and a twenty-page report that expands on your research and verified sources will be turned in along with the flash drive of your powerpoint. Each group will present the week before winter break."

My shoulders slumped in defeat.

Renesmee was the one who drew our topic from the old and battered hat, timidly reaching in and fishing for a folded slip of paper.

She unrolled it as he moved to the next group, and I held my breath in anticipation.

I tensed when she read it out loud.

"CTX. What on earth does that mean?" She asked, bewildered, and I fought to keep from shifting in my seat uncomfortably.

Alice snatched the slip from her grip, shaking her head, as though her sister should already know.

"It means chemotherapy, silly. Did you not skim through the semester reading guide? We're covering chemotherapeutic agents next month," she said, though her tone was more teasing than scolding.

I offered no comment on the topic choice as the two bickered back and forth or whether we'd gotten stuck with a hard topic compared to others. Jasper had little to say, either, only offering soft chuckles at his siblings' antics.

Alice looked to me then, a new glint in her eye as she changed the topic.

"Well, since most of the group live together, I don't think we'll have a problem deciding who's house will be the meeting spot. It's up to you if you're cool with meeting at our place," she said, and I noted the obvious excitement in her voice at the idea of having company over.

I thought for a moment, before smiling, shrugging my shoulders lightly.

"That sounds good to me if you guys are cool with it."

Renesmee did a poor job of stifling an excited squeal, and I joined in with their laughter at her excitement.

"Oh, it'll be so much fun. We should get started on it soon so we won't get behind when midterms come around," she said excitedly, and I could already see the wheels turning in her head with possibilities.

I agreed, "yeah, that would actually be the best for me. After-school practices start up pretty soon and Coach tends to take up every open evening she can."

By the time the bell rang, Alice had already set up a group message for the project, promising to set a date for us to work on our topic as soon as she got home.

Melanie had waited at the door for me to make my way over through the crowd trying to get out of the building and to their next class, and we took our times walking down the sidewalk to the main building where our last classes of the day were.

We weaved through the crowded walkways, and as we got stuck at a standstill just outside the building, she gave me a curious look.

I raised a brow.

"What was that, earlier? With the next kids?" she asked, and I turned away at the wicked, knowing gleam in her eye as she prodded further, "I know you, Cat. Something's up with the way you acted when they showed up. Your whole demeanor changed."

I sighed, debating on whether to tell her. I knew I could trust her, Mel was one of my oldest friends, and her loyalty to those she loved ran deep.

I took a quick glance around us to be sure no one of importance was around to eavesdrop.

"I-" I hesitated, my voice rushed and barely more than a whisper, failing to find the courage to admit it, "I think Jasper Hale dislikes me."

She looked at me like I had grown a second head, narrowing her eyes.

"Cat. Are you serious? You're impossible to dislike, you're practically Mother Teresa," she said with a laugh, shaking her head, "And even then, the guy literally just met you, like, two days ago."

I fought the embarrassed blush that graced my cheeks, shrugging.

"I don't know, Mel. You didn't see the way he acted when it was just the two of us in my calc class," I said with a sigh, deflated, "It was like I had cursed his the memory of his mother or something. He went from being nice and friendly to closed off. He all but ran out of the room to get away from me."

She patted my arm gently, trying to comfort me. A sad, sympathetic small smile on her face.

"Well, if that's true, then it's his loss. Anyone would be crazy to not like you. There is a reason you got voted to be head of all those committees, remember? Why would people root for you if they didn't find you to be kind? Not to mention it's no secret half the senior class is planning to ask you to the homecoming dance," she added with a snicker, knowing it would get a rise of protest out of me. I swatted at her playfully in my embarrassment, though she succeeded in making me feel slightly better.

"What am I supposed to do about it, though? Alice insisted we work on the project at their house. It's going to be a nightmare if he really hates my guts, I'll be trapped in a place I don't know with no way out," I said, cringing at the scenario popping in my mind, picturing myself huddled to the side awkwardly as the siblings worked together, Jasper wearing that same expression he had in math class.

She shrugged, "I don't know, Cat. But I know you'll work it out. The girls seem to like you a lot, just stick with them. If they care enough about being friends with you, surely they'll keep Mr. Prissypants in check."

The traffic jam of students finally cleared, and we laughed at the nickname all the way to our respective seventh-period classes.

The last class of the day went by faster than the rest had. Mr. Kaur seemed to be preoccupied with something on his mind, only giving a short lecture before handing out a worksheet that had to be turned in at the end of class.

Emmett and Renesmee shared this class with me, having taken the only two empty seats in the back since the rest of the rows were filled. Emmett had made the desk look like it was made for children when he sat in it, the wooden chair dwarfed by his massive size.

Most of the class finished the worksheet in no time, leaving a good fifteen minutes before the final bell. Mr. Kaur either didn't mind or was too lazy to keep the room from breaking out into chatter, groups scooting and shuffling around their chairs to chat with their friends.

I sat in the second row, my seat between Frankie and Hannah. Hannah had finished her assignment first and had sneaked it over to me so Frankie and I could quickly scratch down the answers so we could chat. We sat in a half circle with our desks pushed together, Frankie having pulled out his camera to show off the pictures he was excited to use for the headline on tomorrow's school paper.

I was so caught up in watching him flip through his camera roll that I hadn't noticed someone had sat down in the empty seat behind me. I jumped, surprised when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

I turned around in my seat. I felt Hannah and Frankie freeze behind me when they, too, noticed who it was.

Renesmee gave me a sheepish grin for startling me, but I quickly recovered. I heard a snicker from the back and noticed Emmett had seen me jump. I gave her a small smile.

"What's up?" I asked, finding that it was a lot easier being around just her since she hadn't ceased in her kindness. _A_ t least I knew she didn't hate my guts.

Her smile was dazzling as she spoke, her curly auburn hair moving with her body as she moved her hands with her words excitedly, "well, I was just chatting with Alice on the way over here, and we were planning on going shopping this weekend but realized we don't know where the best spots are around here.

We were going to go with Rosalie, but she and Emmett are going with our parents on a camping trip. We figured maybe you would like to go with us, since you know the area and have great taste in fashion! Oh, and we could start a bit of the project work, too, of course."

She was beaming ear to ear by the time she finished talking, and I found I, too, had an amused smile of my own. I couldn't help it, her enthusiasm was infectious.

I thought about it for a moment, soaking in her words in their entirety. Weighing the options.

My weekend would be consisting of sleeping in till noon and dozing off by the pool. Nothing important.

But she didn't have to know that.

I hummed thoughtfully for a moment before making up my mind, doing my best to keep casual.

"I think that would be a great idea. Let me just check with my parent's when I get home, just to be sure they have nothing planned that they haven't told me about. But if not, I'd love to go with you guys."

Her smile was beaming, and the excitement continued as we easily shifted into a new conversation, talking about all the boutiques and cool stores that were located in the area.

I hadn't realized we had talked the whole remainder of class until the final bell rang. We parted ways at the door, Emmett escorting her out, and she promised to have Alice finalized the details when they got home.

Frankie and Hannah had stayed behind with me, and openly gawked at me. I gave them a look, weirded out by their stares.

Frankie shook his head, impressed, "How do you do it?"

I raised a brow, laughing slightly at the oddness of their amusement, "what do you mean?"

Hannah looped her arm through mine, Frankie doing the same with the other and led the way down the hall. He hummed, giving me a pointed look over his glasses.

"Oh, you know, Miss Congeniality. The new kids haven't spoken to a _single_ soul over the course of the last two days. No one but you. How do you do it?" He asked teasingly, though I knew he was serious.

I laughed, shaking my head at the nickname.

"I promise, I'm just as clueless as you are."

Hannah snorted, "Yeah, right. I can't wait to see what Anna Claire has to say about your new shopping buddies."

We all walked together to our cars, where the rest of the group waited.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't do a quick glance around the parking lot, hoping to catch a glimpse of the shiny cars that the Cullens drove. Yet they had already left, the two spots vacant.

Frankie danced his way over to Josh's truck, where Anna Claire sat on the tailgate. She ruffled his hair, messing up his perfectly styled pompadour, earning her a shriek from him.

We all laughed at the duo's antics.

Josh tossed a piece of bubble gum our way, and I quickly released Hannah's arm to catch it. He gave a cheer at the catch, falling into a fit of laughter when I gave a cry from the soreness that spiked at the movements.

"Aww, poor granny. Can't keep up with the kids these days," he snickered.

I stuck my tongue out at him at the joke, moving to lean against the hood of my car. Hannah did the same, jumping up to sit beside me.

We all chatted away while we waited for the brigade of middle schoolers to be released, our siblings finally freed so we could all go home.

I felt a vibration in my pocket as I got into my car, the twins settling into the backseat. They were bickering over who got to control the AUX cord for the ride home, Abe begging Drew not to play "that hip music" that he didn't like.

It was a text from Alice, just as Renesmee had promised.

 **We plan to go shopping on Saturday morning! If you're free to come with us we can swing by your place around 9 AM! - Alice**

I contemplated my reply, backspacing several times, wanting to say the right thing. I still didn't know if it was a good idea to go, though a part of me was very tempted to accept the offer.

 **Sounds great! I'll be home in about ten minutes, will let you know after I speak with the rents!**

I didn't get a response back before pulling out of the lot and heading home. By the time I had pulled into the garage, the twins tripping over themselves to get into the house, both wanting first dibs on the brownies mom had promised would be waiting, I had already made up my mind.

I had weighed the pros and cons the whole ride home.

Pros- I might find a cute new outfit. I could make new friends and maybe even get to know the other sisters better. Maybe we could get ice cream from that yummy stand in the food court at the mall.

Cons- I might not find anything at the stores.

Truly, I was my own worse enemy when it came to decision making.

I wanted to go with them.

As I made my way inside, stopping to greet our mom in the kitchen, I texted Alice as soon as I closed my bedroom door.

 **Rents said it was all clear! I'm down!**

Alice responded almost immediately with a smiley face and said she would give me more details at school.

I kicked off my shoes before sprawling out on my bed, face up at the ceiling.

A spark ran through me, excitement tingling in my chest at the endless possibilities of stores we could raid. Even if I didn't find anything I liked, I always found the experience of just being out and about with people was more fun than the actual shopping itself.

I hoped it would go well. The two sisters seemed really sweet, and I had gotten along just fine with them.

There was still a twinge of nerves when my mind shifted to thinking about their brother, and the predicament between us.

It saddened me more than anything, knowing I had clearly deterred him from speaking with me.

I had done well avoiding him today, though I didn't feel proud of it. Only a bit sad that I felt the need to do so.

I wondered if things would be different if I grew closer to Alice and Renesmee. Maybe he'd see I wasn't so terrible after all.

 _Not that it matters, anyway._ I reminded myself.

It was only three days into knowing these people. Maybe I had read him wrong, maybe he had read me wrong. I wasn't sure.

All I knew was that I was going to have a blast on Saturday.

Jasper Hale could kiss my ass.

I hated how a dark corner of my mind twisted those words. I sounded like Anna Claire.

I flung myself off my bed, eager to distract myself from the impure thoughts, going to the bathroom to take my makeup off for the day and draw a bath.

My body ached at the sudden movements, still sore from the night before.

Taking my time as I painfully peeled off each piece of clothing I regarded myself in the mirror, horrified by what I saw.

I looked like I had been dragged through the streets.

Bruises, purple and black, littered large expanses of my stomach, back, and shoulders. It was a miracle I had been able to cover the spots with my clothes.

There was a reason none of the others had been as sore from the activities of the night like I had.

My mouth went dry, blood running cold as my mind went to a dark place.

A rabbit hole I had desperately tried to keep from falling into over the last few days.

With the nightmares, this only added fuel to the fire.

I made a covert phone call before stepping into the tub, soaking for a while before finally getting out when my toes turned to prunes.

I only went downstairs to eat a quick dinner, completing my homework deftly before going to lie in bed hours before my usual bedtime.

Sleep did not find me that night.


	6. Get In Loser, We're Going Shopping!

Chapter Six:

 **Get In Loser, We're Going Shopping!**

* * *

 _Money can't buy happiness._

It was a saying her father had always told her for as long as she could remember. He said it the day she got her diploma, after she got her first corporate promotion, and even when he walked her down the aisle.

She would always give him a smile, _I know, Papa, I know._

It was a silly quote that always rung in her head when she thought about her parents. Even as the years passed and she started her own family, the business she and her high school sweetheart built from the ground up skyrocketing in profits, she would think of it. They were more than comfortable, and it brought her all the joys material things could provide her.

But no matter how deep the pockets ran, the zeros in the savings account, there was nothing all the money in the world could do to find a cure.

The world came crashing down, the words she had found so silly finally weighing down on her. Her child was dying, and there wasn't a damned thing she or her money could do about it.

The very source of her joy, the little light that the child's sweet face brought her, it would be gone. It was irreplaceable.

Nothing she could buy would fill the hole in her heart when that light would be so cruelly extinguished.

Death doesn't discriminate- it gives no favor for the rich or the poor, the young or the old.

 _Indeed, money couldn't buy her happiness._

The only thing left to cling to was hope. Faith, if you believed in such things. She'd never kneeled before a shrine or confessed to a priest, but she did. Oh, she did it all for that little light of hers.

Begged and cried to every deity that if she lived, she'd do anything. Anything to keep her child for a little while longer.

The doctors had called it a miracle, something that should have never happened. That the child lived, recovered. The first to defeat the literal death sentence she had been given. It should have been impossible.

Though as the child grew stronger and years passed without incident, it proved true. She had healed, bright and new again.

A miracle indeed. Her little warrior child.

She had looked death in the face and walked away to tell the tale.

Anything she wanted, she would have. She'd never go without. Money might not buy a cure, but it could make her own little source of joy comfortable. As if showering her with every little thing she could want would make up for the lost time she spent cooped up in that hospital bed. Clinging onto what had remained by a thread.

A decade passed without a single resurgence of the illness, and she finally felt like she could breathe. Cynthia slept soundly once more, sound and sure in the knowledge that nothing could smother that little light of hers.

She'd die before she let that happen.

* * *

 **Cat POV**

The sound of the toaster ejecting two crispy slices of bread stirred me from my groggy haze.

"Hon', bring me the blackberry jam, would you?" my father's gruff voice echoed from the dining room table, still scratchy from sleep.

I mumbled my reply, shuffling over to the refrigerator from my place propped against the island counter. It took me several moments of concentration and a firm rub of my eyes to think clearly, grabbing the cold glass jar I had searched for.

My dad and I were most definitely not morning people.

I handed him the jam and plopped into the chair beside him, my burnt toast wrapped in a napkin to keep from scorching my hands.

The only sound to be heard was the shuffling of his newspaper as he read, the scrapping of butter onto the warm bread. A satisfying crunch as I munched away at my breakfast.

Dad took a long swig of his coffee, steaming hot and inky black.

It was just the two of us awake, mom and the twins would be asleep for another hour or two. I rarely got up this early on a Saturday.

He knew it too, glancing down at his silver watch, a curious look in his eye as he studied me.

"Since when do you wake up before sunrise on the weekends?"

That was a good question, I thought, swallowing another bite of my toast.

I shrugged, "I'm driving out to Maldon with some friends," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice before continuing, "you remember me mentioning the new family that moved here? Well, two of the girls asked me to take them shopping."

He thought on my words for a moment, trying to remember the faces and names of this new family. Finally, he nodded, eyes lighting up in recognition.

"Oh, yes, Doctor Cullen and his kids. Right, I heard many good things about them. You know, Martha always tells me about the latest gossip her friends from Bingo Night tell her."

Martha was his assistant, a little lady well past her prime who had been around since my parents first started their company. She stuck around just for the relationships she had built with our family, having reached the opportunity to retire years ago. She was like a godmother of sorts for my siblings and me.

I nodded, holding back a laugh. Of course, he would have heard about the Cullens from her. I could only imagine what she must have heard through the grapevine, the stories no doubt just as wild and imaginative as the stories that already circled the school.

"Yes, well, anyway, I figured go big or go home, you know? We only have the little shopping outlet here, and since the closest indoor mall with good clothing stores is in Maldon, I decided we could make a day trip out of it."

He nodded enthusiastically, though I knew from the way his eyes darted around the paper in his hands I knew he hadn't heard a single word. He checked out the moment I mentioned the word shopping.

He mumbled a response, "Yes, yes, that sounds great, darling. Would you like to take your mother's Escalade so you can fit all the bags and things?"

He hated how small my car was, always fretting over how easily it could be thrown off the road with the smallest bump. But mom knew how much I loved it, so she always helped compromise by switching cars with me whenever I drove outside the county lines.

I shook my head, shoving the last bit of toast in my mouth. My words were muffled, "No, Alice insisted on driving. She's bringing her mom's SUV."

He relented, giving a satisfied nod, going back to reading the sports column. He stifled a yawn as I gathered my crumbs and juice glass before heading back into the kitchen.

By the time I heard my mother stirring to life downstairs, I had already taken a shower and fixed my hair.

She knocked on my door a little while later, peeking her head in after I told her it was open. She gave me a cheerful smile when she noticed me sitting at my vanity, putting on a coat of mascara.

She entered the room, walking over to sit at the foot of my bed on the plush gray bench. She sat there for a little while, content in keeping me company while I darted about the large room, trying to finish getting ready for the day ahead.

I could feel her curious eyes on me as I dug through a drawer, looking for my favorite jeans. I knew she was eager to ask about my plans for the day, and more importantly, the people I would be going with.

I cheered in triumph when I finally found the clothes in question at the bottom of the drawer, turning to face her, holding up the dark-washed denim like a trophy.

She laughed at my antics, finally voicing her curiosity as I went to put on the jeans in the closet.

Normally, I would have changed right there with her in the room. It never bothered me, and still didn't. But I was putting in great effort to hid the bruises that littered the expanse of my thighs and calves.

My parents were very lenient people, the only rules they kept for my brothers and I were simple. Number one, keep your grades up. Anything below a B was unacceptable. As long as grades were good, they could overlook the other things. For better or worse. And number two, always be honest.

It was the golden rule. Never lie.

An incredible weight had eased its way onto my heart as my guilt ate away at me for doing so. Keeping her in the dark.

But this was for the best.

I still believed that I was just overreacting, looking too deeply into the marks and my recent moods. It was a coincidence, nothing more. For now, anyway. Schrödinger's Cat.

My mother would not see it that way if she knew about the marks, and that was mostly the reason why I refused to tell her. There was no point in worrying her if it's for nothing.

I ignored the pang in my heart at that. Deny, deny, deny.

"So, what exactly are the plans today, honey?" she called from her spot at the bottom of the bed, her voice light and charming as always. I buttoned the jeans, lunging my legs to stretch the denim. It had been a while since I had worn them.

I walked back into the room, tossing my lilac pajama pants into the hamper on the way. I shrugged, going to sit back down at the vanity to run the brush through my hair once more, "It's all up in the air, really. I know for sure I want to show them the mall, though I haven't really thought about what to do after. I figured I would give some suggestions and let them pick."

She came over, taking the brush from my hand to do the task for me, something she had always insisted on doing when she had the opportunity.

She nodded at my considerate thought, a proud little smile on her lips. I could see her reflection in the mirror, noting her expression. I knew it well.

I loved my mother more than anything, and I knew she still saw me as her little darling girl. Even after all these years, the expressions never changed.

My childhood had been the source of nightmares, the worst five years of her life. Even though I hadn't understood her pain and sadness at the time, my little child mind unable to grasp the concept of mortality, I had known that I had been the source of her troubles.

When the doctors went away and the brown and gold strands of hair had started to grow back on my little head- and it didn't fall out- I was keenly aware of the way she reacted. It had made her so happy. The first time she bought me a hair bow, so ecstatic to be able to braid the wavy hair.

I had sworn to myself that I would do anything to keep her happy, proud. I had done that for her. At the tender age of eight, I made a promise. I'd never tell her no, not if it would take away her happiness again.

So, I always handed her the brush without hesitation, letting her pick out makeup and jewelry for me when she wanted. I never protested. In a house where we were severely outnumbered by boys, she was always looking for the chance to do the girly things.

"I think it would be a great idea to take them to Bianchi's for a light brunch, they have the best chicken strata," she mused, a gleam in her eye at the thought. Ever the planner and socialite.

I nodded, a promise that I would keep the idea in mind. Truthfully, I'd be just as happy with a slice of greasy pizza from the food court. But I wasn't about to tell her that.

My cellphone vibrated once, twice on the bedside table.

My heart fluttered softly in my chest at the sound.

I had gotten several messages throughout the morning, Frankie and Hannah flooding our group chats with eager questions about my day. Everyone was curious to know more about the new kids, and if I didn't know any better I would think they were slightly jealous.

Anna Claire's head had nearly exploded when she had found out what I would be up to today after Frankie had told her at lunch two days ago.

Even as the school week had come to an end, not a single one of the Cullen children had reached out to other students. None but me.

It drove Anna Claire crazy, knowing that every one of her attempts to break the ice with Rosalie had failed, the blonde bombshell giving her the cold shoulder each time.

I could offer little to reassure her. I was just as confused as she was. As all of them were.

The friendliness extended to me by a few of the siblings perplexed me, too. Once I realized that, indeed, I was the only exception to their ignorance of socialization, I became hyperaware of it.

I could feel dozens of eyes stare into the back of my head each time I walked down the hall, chatting away with Renesmee or Alice.

And on a single, bizarre occasion, Jasper.

Even with the odd air about them, I couldn't distance myself from the Cullens. I found Renesmee to be one of the kindest people I had met in a long time, never gossiping or complaining about boys. It was a very unique personality to find, a girl our age without an agenda.

She just radiated happiness, as though just being alive were enough to make her content. It was a trait I found endearing, and a small, deeper part of me could relate.

I got up to check and see who it was, a smile tugging at my lips as I read the text. Just as I had hoped, it was from Renesmee.

 _We're on our way! Be there in about five minutes!_

A tingle went down my spine at the fact they were so close to being here. Excitement bubbled in my stomach.

Mom gave me a look of curiosity, a perfectly arched brow raised in question. I didn't hide the excitement from my face.

"It's from Renesmee, she said they're on their way," I said enthusiastically, noting the way surprise flashed in her eyes at my newest friend's unique name.

Mom nodded, stepping forward to place a light kiss on my forehead. "I'm sure you will have a blast, love. Please, keep me updated on when you make it and head back tonight."

I promised I would, and she left the room to get ready for her own busy day.

With a last glance in the mirror, making sure my shirt did its job of hiding the fading purple marks that covered my arms, I left the room, too.

I took the stairs two by two, a pep in my step. The endless possibilities of what could possibly happen today ran my imagination wild.

I threw my small black purse over my shoulder, finding myself unable to sit still with my excitement. I paced in the foyer, waiting for the alarm to ring, signaling a visitor at the gate.

I had given Renesmee my address yesterday at the end of the sixth period. She and Alice had defeated me in insisting that we take their vehicle instead of mine.

Apparently, Alice had a heavy foot. She bet we could make it to Maldon in only an hour, shaving off forty-five minutes of what it would take me.

I had relented, amused by the pixie-like girl's enthusiasm, she had practically vibrated with excitement for the remainder of that class, driving her brother and sister both crazy. I had only laughed at her antics.

I had quickly learned to embrace her quirks after spending a week around her, the way she would sometimes just pop up out of nowhere, it had scared the life out of me at first. But eventually, I had come to expect it. She'd only grin wider when I'd meet her with equal enthusiasm instead of fear.

Fear. That was another thing I had noticed. The way some students had come to cower in the wake of the Cullen kids' presence. Of course, who wouldn't be intimidated by the sheer size of someone like Emmett? He was massive, and so was Michael and Jasper, though the two of them were much leaner in size.

Hell, even Rosalie's glares would send a shiver down my spine whenever I caught her glance.

But I did my best to look past it, focusing on the good. Another coping technique I had used near religiously in the first few years following my illness.

Look for the good in things, and eventually, they'll find you, too.

The more time I spent thinking of the negative or the strange, the more it would take out of me, and I didn't find that to be very fair. Not when I hadn't gotten to know them yet. It was rude to judge.

The alarm rang, sounding like a musical wind chime, and I eagerly smashed the button on the keypad by the door, opening the property gate.

I could feel my leg jittering, tapping fast from my eagerness. I was excited, and as I saw the black SUV come around the curve of trees that lined the driveway, I walked out the door and down the front steps to greet them.

The window of the front passenger seat rolled down, and from behind the tinted glass Renesmee's cheerful face appeared. Alice leaned forward from the driver's seat, wearing a giant pair of red sunshades, giving me a beaming smile.

I couldn't hide my own happy smile as I waved to them, closing the distance between me and the car.

"Oh my goodness, Cat, your house is so beautiful!" Renesmee exclaimed, sending me a large smile as she eyed the house, "Esme would be so thrilled to see it if she were here!."

I blushed, shrugging off her praise.

"Aww, thank you, it was my mom's passion project of sorts," I said, trying to keep the bashfulness from showing in my tone.

With the girls' gushing about the house, I had tuned out the world around me, not realizing my surroundings until something cool brushed past my arm

I startled, a gasp escaping me as I jumped out of the way, only to find the back passenger-side door being opened for me by none other than Jasper Hale.

Stupidly, I looked around, as though he had appeared out of thin air. I swore I hadn't heard his footsteps…

I was quick to snap out of my surprised haze, realizing he had come from the other side. My blush was furious, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Muffled giggles sounded behind me, which only worsened my embarrassment and bashfulness as I struggled to make a sound, mouth gaping like a fish.

Jasper only smirked at my fright, though he was ever the gentleman, not commenting on my bright blush.

 _He's holding the door open for you, you moron._

"Oh, um, thanks. Jasper, I didn't realize you had gotten out of the car," I stammered, trailing off to a mumble at the end. He shook off the thanks, the waves of his golden hair catching the morning light as it moved, and I fought to keep my focus.

"No worries, just thought I'd do the gentlemanly thing. I figured it's what you southerners do," he said, his tone teasing, and his bright eyes shimmered in his obvious humor.

I laughed at that, and suddenly I felt confident, the embarrassment ebbing away with his joke.

I stepped around him, climbing into the car with as much grace as a newborn foal, and the embarrassment of all the eyes on me almost came creeping back. Almost.

By the time I had buckled my seatbelt he had closed my door gently and climbed in behind Alice.

She fiddled with the radio for a moment before glancing back at me with a large smile, half her face covered by the oversized glasses, but I knew bright big eyes shone behind them.

"All set?" she checked, and with a nod from Jasper and a quick yes from me she grinned wider, "Perfect! Let's go then, better hold on tight!"

I didn't take the warning seriously.

The speed at which she took off back down the drive startled me, shoving me back into the leather seat, and a fit of giggles erupted from the front, Renesmee's auburn hair bouncing with her shoulders.

Jesus, she hadn't been kidding when she said she drove fast.

I did my best to hide my worried glances over her arm as we rode, reading the speedometer with shock. She had kept a steady speed of at least a hundred for the first thirty miles, only dropping back down to eighty when she hit the interstate.

Jasper hadn't bothered hiding his amusement at my poorly concealed worry, deep chuckles erupting from his chest every so often when I would glance at Alice. At some point, I had settled down but kept glancing anyway, knowing it'd earn a reaction from the boy across from me.

While the last week had been odd enough- I mean, how often do new kids come to a school, and there's, like, ten of them in one family- things had been even more peculiar between the blond and I.

I had truly thought he hated me. I had been so certain, the disgust marring his features that first day in calculus had sent ice through my veins. I was fully prepared to dislike him, accept that he would be like his sister, Rosalie.

But as the days passed, being forced to work with him and his sisters, I learned that, perhaps, I had passed judgment too quickly.

He had been silent the first two days, only interacting with his sisters in class, though on the third day, he had greeted me when I sat at the table in the science lab.

It had been just barely a murmur, low and nearly unintelligible to my ears, but it happened nonetheless. His face held no anger or distaste as I had expected. The smallest of smiles graced his lips.

Okay, so he had been friendly, and I had chalked it up to his sisters forcing him to be _at least_ professional since we had to work on a project together. That was all. Nothing to get my hopes up over.

That changed two days ago when I found him waiting outside our first-period class, leaning against the lockers, cool and casual as though it were the most natural thing. He walked up to me, and after the initial shock and realization that he was actually walking _with_ me, not just around me, I was surprised.

He wanted to apologize for his behavior that first day. That he was sorry if I mistook his discomfort to be directed at me. It wasn't. I listened to him for the five minutes it took to get to my next class, how he had a much harder time moving than his siblings.

Social anxiety. The move to a school so large and vibrant had thrown him off guard and took more out of him than he had expected.

"I hope I can make it up to you, perhaps start over. I've been so embarrassed by the fact that you had to witness that… I wasn't sure how to handle it," he had said, his voice was filled with so much sincerity and vulnerable emotion that it made me almost tear up in sympathy. His amber eyes showed so much guilt and remorse, I could never forget it.

I couldn't fathom how much strength it must have taken for him to admit that to me, and the weight of the fact he had put in the effort to make things right was great on my chest. It made me melt.

I, too, apologized, wondering if my irritation at him had kept him from approaching me sooner? It had been no secret I had been stung by his actions that first day.

From that day forward, it was as if we had started anew. The sins of the past forgiven.

Though our interactions had been limited to those few moments, I no longer felt irritated in his presence. I knew he was close to Alice and Renesmee, and as my relationship with the two sisters blossomed, I made myself open to the possibility of having that with him, too.

Which is why he was going shopping with us. Alice had mentioned his plans with Emmett had fallen through last minute, and without really thinking, I told him he should join us instead.

He had accepted the invitation politely, and though I felt I made it up, I could have sworn his eyes had lit up at the fact. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach the rest of that day.

"I think we should hit the mall first, that way we can just relax and walk around downtown this afternoon," Alice chirped excitedly from the wheel, in response to my question.

The first half of the drive passed quickly, nearly every moment filled with easy chatter between the two girls and me. I had just finished giving them a rundown of all the best places to shop and see in the city.

Jasper hadn't said much, only chiming in when Alice or Renesmee asked him something directly.

But that quickly changed when the two sisters started a side conversation of their own, leaving the two of us to simmer in silence.

I figured he was shy, just as at a loss of what to say as I was, so I spoke up. Trying to ease the awkward air that had formed between us.

"So, are you sure you don't regret tagging along with us today?" I asked him, raising a brow teasingly, though my words were light.

He gave a small chuckle, shaking his head. "No, not at all. You'd be surprised at how often I end up going with the girls. I feel like each of the guys get stuck on at least one trip a month."

I smiled at the words, laughing at the image that popped into my mind. Emmett loaded down with dozens of shopping bags, a frown on his face as Rosalie strolled ahead to the next store. I couldn't imagine how much damage the fashion-obsessed girls did to their adoptive father's bank account.

"I can't relate. I'd have to drag the twins by the legs and out of the house to get them to even go to the drugstore with me. If they do go, it's because I had to bribe them with food and a trip to the comic shop," I said, shaking my head at the fact. Even my oldest brother dreaded shopping. It would take my mother threatening to ground him to get him to drive me anywhere when I had been too young to drive myself.

Jasper chucked, a humored glint in his eye. He gave a pointed look to his siblings in the front of the car, his voice teasing, "I'm pretty sure Alice has done that to Michael at least once before. She walked him down the stairs by his ear."

Renesmee fell into a fit of giggles, and I couldn't help but do the same at the mental image. It was totally something the little pixie would do.

"Hey, in my defense, the new spring line of Louis Vuitton bags had just gone on sale and I was _not_ going to miss getting my hands on one!" Alice said, justifying her actions with a smirk.

The rest of the ride consisted of banter between the siblings, all of them bringing up funny stories to tease each other with. It successfully brought Jasper out of his shell, feeling comfortable around the outsider amongst them. I enjoyed every moment of it, my abs sore from laughing so much at the endless stories he and Alice told about one another.

"No! I told you, it was _Bella's_ idea to wrap everything in your closet with wrapping paper, not mine!" Jasper insisted, a humored grin on his face as he defended himself to Alice. Apparently, the Cullen family took pranks to a whole different level, and she had _not_ been happy about being the target last Christmas.

She shook her head as she pulled into the mall parking lot. As soon as she put the car into park, she turned around to give him a glare of warning, "Well, even if it was her idea, _you_ were the one who hid inside the closet to get my reaction on video! So you at least had _some_ part in putting her crazy idea into action."

Jasper only laughed, shrugging his shoulders as we all unbuckled and started shuffling out of the vehicle. He and Alice walked over to Renesmee and me, the four of us making our way towards the building ahead.

Renesmee looped her arm through mine, leaning in to whisper to me, " _This_ is why I don't take part in the prank wars. The less I know about the plans, the better. I once overheard Edward plotting to fill Rosalie's car with packing peanuts, and the next thing I knew, she'd covered every inch of my bedroom with sticky notes because I didn't warn her. I learned my lesson quickly."

We laughed all the way to the door, Jasper and Alice bickering all the way. They only stopped when we entered the building, Alice removing her sunglasses to look around in awe.

She turned to give me a smile, her eyes shining with her excitement.

"It's perfect!" she giggled, glancing around to take in all the stores around us, dozens of popular designer names glowing brightly over each doorway. We were on the top of three floors, and all the flashy signs could be easily overwhelming to pick where to go first.

It couldn't help but feel excited too, even though I'd been to this mall a dozen times. Her emotions fueled my own.

She bounced on her toes, unable to decide what store she wanted to raid first. Renesmee released my arm, pointing straight ahead with a wide smile. " _Look,_ Allie! They have a Neiman Marcus! They didn't have those in Alaska!"

The two girls took off towards the store, leaving Jasper and me behind in the dust. I only shook my head in amazement.

"Wow, and I thought Anna-Claire was an obsessive shopper," I said to myself, amused as I watched them all but run through the glitzy department store's doorway. Jasper laughed, and I spared him a glance.

He grinned at me, a mischievous look in his eye, "I'll give you a fair warning- once Alice starts browsing through clothes, she won't stop until she's bought at least one of everything. And not just for herself, so don't be surprised if she drags you to the dressing room to try on a dozen outfits she picks out for you."

I started to laugh but then realized he was dead serious. He only laughed at my weary reaction before following after his siblings, and I sped up my pace to keep up with him.

We crossed through the gates of Alice's metaphorical heaven, and I was instantly swept up by Renesmee as she all but dragged me towards the shoe display.

By the time we finished shopping in that _one_ store, I felt as though I had tried on more items of clothing than the store even carried in stock.

I had always enjoyed shopping, finding more enjoyment in the ability to socialize with the people I was with than the actual shopping part of it. But shopping with the Cullen children was unlike any other experience I had ever had.

And I freaking loved it.

We went from store to store, sometimes not even buying anything, just joking and messing around as we tried on random things. And even when we did find products we liked, the girls were completely unabashed at the ease with which they spent. They knew what they liked, and didn't hesitate to go after it.

I had always been embarrassed, reluctant to go shopping with my friends. Knowing judgemental eyes wandered to the cash register screen to take in the numbers, as though if anything above two digits were a sin. It's why I usually just window-shopped, finding my size in-store to purchase later when I got home.

I didn't have to feel that way with them. Knowing that no matter what damage I did, they matched it tenfold.

I was surprised that even Jasper would sometimes join in on the fun, trying on whatever clothes and accessories Alice would thrust on him with ease. At one point, Renesmee had somehow convinced him to try on a cowboy hat that she found from God knows where, and I knew the image would be burned into my mind forever. I all but buried my face in the clothing racks to hid my blush at the sight, and I was pretty sure he didn't see me.

 _Kinda_ sure.

By the time three o'clock came around, I felt as though I had done a marathon worth of walking. I stood leaned against a display of leather bags, sipping on a coke slushie from the food court as I watched Alice and Renesmee dart about the store from rack to rack.

It was as if they never tired, running off some endless source of energy no other humans had managed to tap into. My bags were scattered about my feet, their weight had taken their toll on my sore, bruised shoulders.

Jasper leaned against the wall beside me, his own posture lazy though I knew that he felt nothing close to the exhaustion I felt. He could be running around the place like his sisters, but he preferred to observe instead.

A comfortable silence filled the air around us, and I didn't mind his proximity as much as I thought I would. It was nice, once I realized I didn't have to constantly entertain his attention with endless chatter as I did with Anna Claire or Josh.

A nice change of pace from the norm.

I groaned as Alice made her way towards me, her arms loaded down with clothing, eyes glimmering with mischief. I knew the clothes were meant for me, and Jasper clucked under his breath at my distress.

Alice thrust the clothes towards me, giving me her best pleading smile, "Oh, come on, Cate! I just _know_ you'll love them! I promise, if you'll just try them on, I'll tote your bags for the rest of the day!"

She gave me a large smile, knowing she won as I only glared half-heartedly and handed her my slushie.

"Fine, but this is the last store in the mall! I need a rest before hitting the outlet," I warned, taking the heavy pile of clothes to the dressing room. Laughter from the three siblings echoed behind me as I found an empty changing room, dumpling the pile on the floor in a messy heap.

I was tired, yes, but it didn't mean I wasn't dazzled by the outfits as I tried them on. Each one was prettier and more flattering than the last.

Alice had impeccable taste. It was as if she just _knew_ what would work perfectly on me.

I couldn't believe my eyes as I slipped on the last outfit she had given me, turning my body every which way to take in every angle in the mirror in amazement.

Alice had picked out a dress, one I would have never thought to pick out for myself. I wouldn't have dared.

It was gorgeous, even with my body in the beaten-up shape it was currently in.

The black dress was short, made of a beautiful satin that clung to every curve perfectly, the thinnest straps held it up and crossed in the back. It covered the scars completely, just enough as though it were made for me. I pulled at the hem a bit, the short fabric seemed to barely cover anything and I wasn't used to showing so much skin.

My mind was wrapped up in what I saw in the mirror, and I didn't hear them until it was too late.

"Hey, Cate, Alice found one more thing for you to try if you prefer red over bla-"

Renesmee's words died on her tongue before she could even finish her sentence, as she had blown open the dressing room door to hand me another dress.

I didn't even get the chance to stop her before she came in, and I could only freeze in surprise at the intrusion.

We both stood there like deer in headlights, her eyes wide with shock as they instantly landed on my exposed skin.

I didn't need the ability to read her mind to know what she must have thought as her eyes roamed over my shoulders and legs, her mouth blubbering like a fish out of the water as she noted the marks of black and blue the size of softballs that littered my skin.

"I- I'm sorry, I- oh my God, Cate, what-" she sputtered, shaking her head at herself in disbelief, unable to pull her eyes from the marks.

I reached out, eager to silence her, shushing her softly. I frantically motioned for her to close the door, thanking the heavens above when I was sure that she was alone.

Her weary eyes continued their roaming until I threw on my sweater over the dress in an effort to get her to focus.

" _Please,_ Renesmee, don't say anything to anyone. It's not what it looks like, I swear it," I said, my voice low and shaky with my nerves. A million thoughts were running through my head, knowing she must have thought the worst, imagining what she might say to her siblings. Or even worse, her parents.

She only stared at my face, shock still evident on her pale features as she weakly nodded. I released an audible sigh at the confirmation, the initial fear ebbing away just a bit.

"Cat..." she managed to say, her voice low and airy, shaking her head as she looked back to the bruises that still managed to show on my legs.

I sighed, crossing my arms in a subconscious effort to steady myself. I shrugged, embracing what I knew I had to do now.

I hadn't lied in years, yet here I was, doing it twice in one day.

"It looks worse than it is, really. Earlier this week some friends and I scrimmaged after school. I may or may not have been a bit too aggressive in my tackles," I said, a newfound surge of confidence fueling me, my self-preservation kicking in.

She studied me for a moment, and I steeled myself, forcing my face to convey the most sincere expression.

It worked.

She sighed, nodding her head softly. "I believe you, it just... took me off guard is all. My mind immediately went somewhere dark-" she trailed off again, and I nodded, knowing she didn't need to elaborate for me to understand.

"I know, but I'm fine, really. I just happened to get a bit carried away, I'm very competitive when it comes to contact sports," I said, trying to lighten the mood. The last thing I needed was for her to return to the others, her distress apparent. She already knew too much.

She gave a weak smile, and I could tell she was trying her best to recuperate.

"Mae, just please promise me you won't tell the others," I pleaded, the idea of her telling them made my chest ache for reasons I knew had nothing to do with Alice.

What would Jasper think of me if he knew? Something had shifted that day, something I couldn't help but take notice of.

I noticed he wasn't so shy after all, at least, when he wasn't surrounded by people like at school. He was witty and sharp, quick to pick up a conversation when he found it to be intriguing.

 _And he's the most handsome guy you've ever seen, and he was totally checking you out earlier-_

I didn't dare let myself drive that train of thought any further.

I forced myself to focus on the girl before me.

Renesmee's eyes brightened at the name.

A term of endearment reserved for those close to her, and she felt close enough to me to let me use it.

Her smile grew bigger, a new sense of energy fueling her. She nodded enthusiastically, holding out her pinkie.

It took me a moment to realize what she was doing, and I looped my own with hers, the gesture one so pure and innocent. A pinkie promise.

"I promise, Cate, I won't say a word," she beamed, and I returned the smile.

Feeling more comfortable now that the moment of shock had passed, I removed my sweater, moving to stand in front of the mirror. I raised a brow in question at the auburn-haired girl, "Well, since we share a secret, I guess that makes you officially one of my best friends. Now, with such a title comes great responsibility. So, tell me, does this dress make my butt look too big?"


	7. Living Nightmare

Chapter Seven:

 **Living Nightmare**

* * *

The sound of Coach's whistle piercing the humid afternoon air was like a blessing from God.

Three sharp blows- signifying that the hellish ten minutes of running laps was finally over.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I ran over to the center of the field where she stood.

"Come on ladies! Circle up!" she called, clapping loudly as the silver whistle dropped from her lips.

We formed a half-circle around her, many clutching their knees or falling to the ground in heaps as they tried to catch their breath, desperately heaving in the warm air.

Natalie dropped to the ground next to me, her head in her hands as she forced steady deep breaths, in an out. Sweat beaded and dropped along her forehead and chin as it no doubt did my own.

I forced myself to keep a rhythm, steady breaths as I braced my hands against my knees, watching Coach expectantly.

Coach Kelly gripped her clipboard tightly to her chest, a frown on her face as she took in the fallen and weak forms around her. The shade from her visor making her eyes look dark and menacing.

As the semester finally picked up with heavier course loads, so did soccer practice.

Though it was considerably cloudy out, as it was most of the year, the heat was unforgiving this time of day.

Most of the girls had been expecting us to start off slow with our practices, taking it easy like the boy's team was.

The boy's team hadn't made it to regionals in six years.

Coach Kelly had taken the girl's team to not only regionals but to _state_ seven years in a row.

She wasn't about to break that streak now.

"What in God's name has gotten into ya girls?" she asked, voice clipped and tight, her Irish accent thick. It always showed through when she was angry or yelling down the field.

Several girls winced, though the only response she got was ragged breaths and sniffles as they tried to wipe away the sweat.

"You all think you can lag off on summer breaks and return all spiff and span, aye?"

A chorus of airy and tired voices answered her, "No coach."

She swung her clipboard every which way as she spoke, "You think you can give just a tiny bit of effort because it's the first practice of the year? And it's not that important to you?"

"No coach," I sighed under my breath, voice still ragged as I was only now regaining myself.

I forced myself to stand up from my hunched position when she eyed me, bracing myself for what was coming next.

She raised a brow as she took a step forward, poking me in the shoulder for emphasis to her words.

"You think you can lead a bunch of lazy bums to the playoffs, do you Anderson?" she said lowly, and I didn't dare break eye contact as I shook my head.

"No coach," I said, forcing my words out stiffly, trying with all my might to hide my struggle breathing.

She watched me closely for a moment, staring me down as though looking for me to break, before nodding to herself. She took a step back, looking around at the other twenty girls.

"Do you think Wakefield is taking any breaks at their practices this week?" she asked, a devilish look in her eye as the girls stiffened.

"No coach," they responded instantly, voices louder and bitter as many glowered at the ground at the thought.

I scowled at the idea, bitterness on my tongue at the thought of our school rivals.

"Aye, didn't think so. So I ask you, girls- are you going to keep acting like a bunch of slaggers or are you going to act like you want to win this year?"

Her words were all it took to get the others standing up to their feet, brushing off the soggy blades of grass from their shin guards and shorts with a newfound sense of determination.

I pulled Natalie up to her feet as Coach blew her whistle again, pointing down the field to the end zone.

"Head out ladies! Suicide drills to the 20th-yard line! Go!"

Groans and mumbled curses erupted from the team as we made our way over to the end of the field.

What a lovely way to end the school week.

I lingered in the gym shower a minute longer than I knew I could afford, not wanting to leave the cooling embrace of the cleansing water.

It was so worth having to sprint to my sixth-period class, leaping through the chemistry lab door just seconds before Mr. Turner went to lock it.

I gave him my best apologetic, charming smile as I squeezed past, darting in a beeline through the tables to my seat.

I was met with a string of muffled giggles as I plopped down onto my stool, dropping my backpack as I tried to catch my breath.

My eyes wandered over to the two girls, golden and brown eyes alight with humor as they took in my frazzled state. I rolled my eyes in my own humor, throwing my now frizzy hair up in a bun to help me cool down.

Alice leaned over to whisper when Mr. Turner turned towards the board, droning on about the day's lesson.

She gave me a wide smile.

"So, Cate, are you ready to get to work on our project tomorrow?" she asked excitedly. She was a terrible whisperer.

I nodded happily.

Two weeks had passed since our shopping trip, and Alice had quickly set a date to start working on our project.

She said there was no time to waste if we wanted to make the best grade in the class.

Renesmee smiled kindly at me, her long auburn hair bouncing down her shoulders with her excitement.

Indeed, they'd been looking forward to starting the project for some time now. Ever since we set a date to meet up and work on it, they hadn't been able to keep quiet about it.

I was quite certain it was taking a great deal of effort for the two of them to hold back from starting it without me, they seemed so eager to work on it.

As Mr. Turner passed out the worksheets for the day, a simple exercise on matching Latin words to their applied meaning in science, the room broke out into soft chatter.

We all spoke softly at our own table, Alice taking over as leader like always as she rushed through filling in the blanks. Her words had nothing to do with the problems on the paper.

"So, I think we should start out with finding four or five academic sources, then breaking them down into topic sections from there," she said excitedly, proud of her own genius.

Renesmee nodded in agreement, her perfectly manicured fingers drumming on the tabletop excitedly, "that'd be perfect, and Carlisle's already agreed to let us use the study for our research. He has dozens of medical textbooks and his nice desktop."

I told her it sounded like a great idea, finishing the last question on my worksheet before stealing a glance at the opposite end of the table. My mind on something else entirely.

He worked diligently on his own paper, the neat and perfect scroll of his handwriting evident even from my seat as he took great care writing out each one.

His blond wavy hair fell partially in his face as he leaned over his work, only looking up here and there to answer Alice's questions or comments, giving his sisters his complete attention.

I found myself doing that the entire class period, stealing away side glances when I felt the two girls between us weren't looking. And of course, when I thought Jasper wasn't either.

But he caught me that last time, dammit.

My eyes met his amber ones, and I didn't dare look away as he gave me a small smile. I returned it, finding it hard to resist after the progress we'd made.

Indeed, much had changed since our shopping trip.

While I had spent a considerably good amount of time class and free time with Alice and Renesmee, I had surprisingly found that I spent a good bit of it with Jasper, too.

The Monday after he'd accompanied us on our shopping spree, he'd walked with me to our first-period class bearing gifts.

He'd extended a piping hot cup of coffee, and I took the drink, completely at a loss for words at his small smile. I'd looked like an idiot, only able to say a mumbled thanks in surprise, finding that conversation flowed between us quite easily after he asked how the rest of my weekend had been.

Ever since then, the routine stuck, walking together to the classes we shared.

I learned a lot about the mysterious figure that worked so hard at hiding himself away from the people at school.

It was as though something changed that weekend, he'd realized I could be trusted, maybe. I wasn't sure. I was just glad he no longer felt the need to shut me out.

I considered him to be as close of a friend as Alice, even, and I was more than happy to get to know him better.

"So, do you want to leave your car at your place and one of us pick you up or do you want to just drive over around five-ish?" Renesmee asked, a perfectly manicured brow raised in question.

I shrugged, "Both options sound fine to me. I guess, if one of you don't mind, I could catch a ride? That way I don't get lost out in the sticks."

Jasper muffled a laugh at that, shaking his head in humor at Alice. She scoffed indignantly.

She hated it when I pointed out that they lived in the middle of nowhere. Out in the country- oh the horror.

The very opposite of her city-girl lifestyle.

Renesmee giggled as Alice mumbled under her breath.

The bell rang signaling it was time to head to the final class of the day.

"Don't worry, Cat. I can come by and pick you up around five tomorrow, it's not too far a drive from your place," Alice grinned, and I nodded in agreement as we gathered our things.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I said in parting, Alice and Jasper ducking out of the class behind us.

They said their goodbyes, heading off to their respective seventh-period classes on the other end of campus. Mae and I headed to Physics.

"You know, I never understood the point of football. I just don't get why it's such a big deal around here," she said as we walked past the gym, an old mural from the 70's taking up the entire west side of the building, showing off what was supposed to be a Falcon's quarterback running valiantly towards victory. She scrunched up her nose in distaste at it, and I stifled a laugh.

I shrugged, shaking my head, "honestly, I don't get it either. I can't explain why, but it's just the sport people rally around down here. Tailgating, pep rallies, it's something you grow up doing. Like how the classic American pastime is baseball to some folks, southerners live and breath football. I'm not even kidding, I know a few kids who are named after legendary SEC players. Try explaining to someone outside Alabama why your twins are named Bear and Bryant."

We fell into a fit of laughter as we entered the main building, pushing through the crowds as we made our way to the end of the hall. Picking jokes one after the other about the pointlessness of it all.

"Well, I'm excited for the soccer season to roll around. Now _that's_ a sport I can get behind, " she said, giving me a pointed look, excitement shining in her eye, "I'll be sure to rally the whole family into getting tickets to at least one of your games."

I shook my head, smiling all the while at her kindness. I laughed, "I hope you all have a nice winter wardrobe leftover from Alaska, because half of our games are in the freezing cold."

She shook her head, giving me a teasing smile as we entered the classroom.

"Oh, believe me, I think our definitions of cold are very different! It drops one degree below 70 around here and suddenly people start piling on jackets like they're expecting a blizzard."

We were all laughter and giggles as we settled into our seats, the humor still lingering as the bell rang and Mr. Kaur jumped onto the day's topic.

The rest of the day went by as per usual, the twins bickering about something related to classmates of theirs, Mom dancing away in the kitchen making some new concoction she saw on the Food Network. Dad arrived home just before dinner, eating his food while making casual small talk about our days, before retiring to the living room to watch a few episodes of _Jeopardy_ and retiring to bed.

All was well in the Anderson home.

Except, of course, it actually wasn't.

Having a whole little section of the house to myself was a blessing at times, and a curse at others. It was often lonely, spending time alone in there, save for our chunky old beagle, Big Al, who always curled up at the foot of my bed each night.

I startled the poor little fella from his slumber around three that morning, darting into my bathroom as fast as my feet could carry me. Hand clutched tightly over my face as I threw open the bathroom door with a loud bang.

A blessing - not a soul heard the commotion as I bent over the sink, gasping for air as I scrambled to turn on the water with shaky hands.

The faucet ran like a fountain, the porcelain sink swirling with a spine-chilling swirl of thick crimson and white. Like a fucked-up, demented peppermint pattern.

I grappled with the towel rack by the mirror, frantically trying to get a towel to hold pressure on my nose.

Just like I'd done a million times, the step-by-step routine playing in my mind like an endless record.

 _Lean forward, hold pressure, stay still. Lean, forward, hold pressure, stay still._

Time seemed as though it passed slowly, minutes feeling like hours by the time I slowly peeled my hand away from my nose, the once pastel blue cloth used to hold pressure now stained red with blood.

I risked a glance in the mirror, numbly taking in my horrific form.

My face was puffy, eyes red and swollen from tears, my face rubbed raw from trying to clean away the trail of blood. Nightgown ruined.

The girl that stared back wasn't me, and I wondered how quickly it had happened. How did I miss the signs?

Gone was the confident and self-assured young woman I had worked so hard to become. In her place stood a child, afraid and weak. Only growing weaker as the clutches of death grew near.

It felt like swimming through water, my thoughts muddy and unclear as I tried to remain calm. Still foggy from the sleep I was jolted awake from.

A curse - I was left alone with my thoughts, standing cold and rigid with fear in my little bathroom in the middle of the night. My mind going to the worst.

I choked back panicked sobs as I curled up in a ball on the floor, back to the side of the tub, nestling my mouth in the crook of my arm to muffle the sound.

 _This is not happening, it simply cannot happen._

 _I_ won't _allow it._

I was too stubborn for my own good, trying so hard to wash away any fleeting or minuscule thought of _it_ and the time of my life that _it_ occurred.

I had done so well as of late to keep the negative and nagging worries at bay, writing them off as paranoia. And for a little while, it had worked.

But now, as I sat there, taking in the blood-splattered sink and soggy towel strewn on the floor... I didn't feel like my suspicions were for nothing.

For the next several hours, I laid there, curling up on the floor of the cold tile of the bathroom. My mind running circles around itself with horrible thoughts and anxieties, fueling the nightmares in an endless cycle.

I wasn't sure when I started to nod off, only that it was a cold and dreamless slumber.

Every inch of my body ached as I woke with a start later that morning, my back popping and groaning in protest as I stood, stretching with a yawn.

My mind took only seconds to adjust, remembering what happened a few hours before.

I set to work, focused and on a mission as I scrubbed down every inch of the sink, discarding every towel and item of clothing that might have had a speck of blood on them.

Not a single piece of evidence remaining.

No one would know. Not a soul.

The age-old memory of my mother's face flashed before my eyes- eyes blood-shot and pain-stricken as she leaned over me, wires and electronic noises mingling with her soft whispers of some prayer. Begging for something- peace? Or forgiveness? I never knew. It was so long ago, but I never forgot it.

No, I decided. They could _never_ know.

It was nothing but a coincidence, my mind jumping to conclusions. Apophenia.

That was it, nothing more.

But if it was- I shook my head, not willing to let my mind go there.

It would be different this time.

After finishing in the bathroom and changing into a new pair of clothes, I was greeted with a text message on my phone as I got back into bed.

Apparently, it had been sent late last night, after I had already gone to bed.

I squinted at the bright digital screen, blinking a few times before the words came into focus.

 **Hey, Catherine. I hope you don't mind, Alice gave me your number. I just wanted to let you know Mae had a last-minute change in her plans, so I'll be picking you up tomorrow afternoon instead. I hope that's alright. I'll come by around five. See you then. - Jasper**

Something furious fluttered in my chest at the message, and I found myself reading it over and over again.

As though it weren't real, and I wasn't mistaken.

I found myself smiling as I typed, the idea becoming more exciting the longer I thought about it.

 **Of course, I understand! I can't wait, see you then!**

I put the phone back down, turning over in my bed as I snuggled deeper into the soft mattress. Suddenly I realized just how tired I was, the sun still hours from rising.

I felt better, the text the one thing I needed to cheer me up. A brilliant, wonderful distraction from the bad thoughts.

There were new friends to live for, new relationships I was eager to see to fruition. I had so many opportunities on the horizon.

My worries and fears could wait another day.

I had a cute boy to see.


End file.
